"Shattered Dreams" ~ Larry Crabb

"A Hell of Mercy" ~ Chapter 13

"God's restraint has a purpose. When He appears to be doing nothing, He is doing something we've not yet learned to value and therefore cannot see. Only in the agony of what we seem to see as the absence of His presence, will we relax our determined grip of our empty selves enough to appreciate His purposes.

He could do something.Yet He does nothing, at least not what we ask Him to do. Why? To deepen our desire for HIS Presence, to strengthen our passion to PURSUE HIM, to help us see how preoccupied we are with filling our God-shaped souls with something less than God.

Only when we want Him as we want nothing else will there develop in our hearts a space large enough for Him to fill. Because He longs to fill us, He hides His face long enough for us to discover how fervently and exclusively we want Him. When our discovery creates a secret space that nothing else can fill, and when we KNOW that to be TRUE, He enters.

Through pain of shattered dreams, God is awakening us to the possibility of infinite pleasure. That is the nature of our journey; it's what the Spirit is doing. When we understand THAT, we'll define "doing well" on this journey very differently than before......"

In His Perfect Peace

Isaiah 26:3
“You will keep him in PERFECT peace

whose mind is STAYED on YOU,

because he trusts YOU”

Perfect peace. A place I strive to arrive at. Perfect peace, peace that the wicked can not steal nor will ever know without a true and full knowledge of who God is and what His Scriptures teach about walking a life with Him. I've learned to live in the day where I am not moved by situations, circumstances, and people around me. I long for the day where the negative of this world is one thing that I can pray about and one thing less that influences my attitude or spirit.

In the valley, it can be so overwhelming to keep that perfect peace. Today, all I could do is look towards Heaven and pray, continually, and He instilled within me His perfect peace. When my mind would float back to all the “if’s, and’s, or but’s” I would immediately feel my spirit within me grow weary and peace drift away. But, when staying in HIS presence, peace can't be stolen.

This journey in the valley right now is going to be shortened. I’m going to make a detour to the top by keeping my focus on Him. Following His lead and moving to the beat of His heart and not my own.

Sure, many will question me and accuse me. I would love to follow that statement with “I really don’t care”, but that is a lie. I do care. For out of my mouth comes truth. I haven’t always lived this way, but for a while now, I have, and trust me, it’s a much better way of life. Since 2004, I can honestly say that I have tried my best to seek the Lord. I have changed many of my ways. Sure, the devil in his scheming has tried relentlessly to sidetrack me with various situations. I may have stumbled on some of them, but I did not fall out of the grip of my Saviors Grace! He forever held me in those times tightly to His chest as any parent would do for a child in pain ~ physically or emotionally.

I am far from perfect. I’m not perfect in anything. But my desire is to grow more and more into His likeness daily. With my words, actions, and deeds.

Today, God opened a door and I will never ever forget it. I have found a home for the kids and I to live in so we can be a family. The application has been submitted and I am waiting on approval from the owners. The property management office should call tomorrow (Friday) afternoon to let me know. Your prayers for approval and favor would be MUCH appreciated!!!

Is it a palace? No. Is it in a bad area? No. It’s perfect. It’s just what I need to provide for my kids. The girls have their own room, Kory has his room, and Mommy has her room.

So, with heaviness in my heart, but peace in my mind, I will know that I did all I can during this 10 month adventure since Daren lost his job due to the economy.

I am going to take some courses from the local vo-tech to get my medical coding certificate, which prayerfully, will allow me to work from home down the road. In the mean time, I will find a job to provide the needs of my family!

I can’t sit and wait, nor do I believe in my heart, mind, or body, that God wants me to sit and wait for Him to drop something in my lap. There are times in life that I believe He does that, but He does that to those that exercise their will to follow Him and live according to His word.

I pray that my children will not be torn over any of this. I pray that they will see their home with me and their home at Grandma Gayle’s with Daddy as safe loving homes that desire the best for them. I can’t wait to get in there and decorate and put our home together and make it OVERFLOWING with God’s love, PEACE, & joy!!! It’s been so long.

There are many people that have (& continue to) prayed for me & help me get to where I am today….and to merely say thank you seems too simple. My deepest gratitude to each and every one of you who have shown support through prayer, words of uplifting encouragement, and financial support. I would not be here today had you not followed the promptings of the Holy Spirit to take time to call, write, pray, email….the list goes on and on.

I pray abundant, OVERFLOWING, blessings out of the hands of God to you and your families. May a hedge of protection be over you in all things in all ways. I love you; yes love you, each and every one!! Your part in our story will be known to each of the children by letters I have tucked away for them to read in the future. I want them to see mommy’s heart during this should anything happen where the Lord calls me home before they are old enough to understand themselves. They mean the world to me.

Dear Lord, I love you and lift Your Name in praise…for in You, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. My gaze will forever be upon the cross and may I kneel there and seek you daily. I am so undeserving of Your endless love…but accept it and value it as a pirate finds lost treasure! Thank You for being there for me after all these years and for loving me. I can’t wait to get deep in Your word and study more of who You are so that one day, I can share with others on a higher platform of Your love and grace!! You are awesome!!!

Your Daughter!
Kristi

Someday

You can go
You can start all over again
You can try to find a way to make another day go by
You can hide
Hold all your feelings inside
You can try to carry on when all you wanna do is cry

And maybe someday we’ll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now that
Maybe someday we’ll live our lives out loud
We’ll be better off somehow, someday

Now we wait
And try to find another mistake
If you throw it all away then maybe you can change your mind
You can run
And when everything is over and done
You can shine a little light on everything around you
Man it’s good to be someone

And maybe someday we’ll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now that
Maybe someday we’ll live our lives out loud
We’ll be better off somehow, someday

I don’t wanna wait
I just wanna know
I just wanna hear you tell me so
Give it to me straight
Tell it to me slow

‘Cuz maybe someday we’ll figure all this out
We’ll put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to just to feel better now
Maybe someday we’ll live our lives out loud
We’ll be better off somehow, someday

‘Cuz sometimes we don’t really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over, again

‘Cuz sometimes we don’t really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over, again

I Was Here

You will notice me
I'll be leavin' my mark, like initials carved in an old oak tree
you wait and see
maybe I'll write like Twain wrote
maybe I'll paint like Van Gough,
cure the common cold
i don't know but I'm ready to start cuz i know in my heart

I wanna do something that matters
say something different
something that sets the whole world on it's ear
i wanna do somethin better, with the time i've been given
and i wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life
and leave nothin less that something that says i was here

I will prove you wrong
if you think im all talk, your in for a shock
cuz this streams too strong, and before too long
maybe i'll compose symphonies
maybe i'll fight for world peace
cuz i know it's my destiny to leave more that a trace of myself in this
place

I wanna do something that matters
say something different
something that sets the whole world on it's ear
i wanna do somethin better, with the time i've been given
and i wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life
and leave nothin less that something that says i was here

And i know that i, i will do more than just pass through this life
i'll leave nothin less that somethin that says i was here, i was here, i
was here, i was here

Wanna do somethin that matters
somethin that says i was here
wanna do somethin that matters
somethin that says i was here, i was here