Papa & Kory Spend A Day Together...

AH! What a sweet memory that my dad made with Kory!

A few weeks back, Tinker AFB had their air show! My dad was so thoughtful to take Kory for the day to see one of his favorite modes of transportaion...air planes! He had a blast and continues to talk about all the "big jets", "tunder birdies", and "papa's air show".

Growing up as the daughter of an Air Force pilot, we spent experienced many great memories at Air Shows throughout the world and this great country. Now, that Daren and I are going through a painful divorce, I am so thankful that my daddy has taken time out of his busy schedule to do those special "guy things" with Kory.

My heart still breaks deeply that the kids have to endure the shuffle back and forth between my home and life at Daren's mom's house. It really started to show the effects on the kids in the past 3 weeks and reality tore my heart. I do my best to remain strong and never speak ill of the situation to the kids...but when they cry and ask "where daddy is?" it's so hard to not let my own tears spill from my eyes. This seems so unfair to them. All I know to do is pray that God will comfort their hearts and give me the right words to speak to help their tender hearts and minds understand that both their mommy and daddy love them. AS a mommy, it kills me to watch my little ones hurt and lack understanding. How do you explain to three little children what is going on in a way that they can understand?

They come back home to Mommy on Saturday and I can not wait to have their voices and laughter fill this quiet house up again. My life is not meant to be lived without them here...Their lives aren't meant to be filled with this drama and I just wish I could wave some sort of magic wand and take away all the uncertainty and fear that they are feeling!

Here are a "few" pictures of Kory and the day he spent with Papa enjoying all the air planes. Thank you dad for sharing this memory with Kory! I love you so much and apprciate what you do so that Kory can have the presence of you in his life!!


















A HUGE day....made for one tired, precious, sweet little boy...memories that will last a life time...thank you Dad!! I love you!!

In His Grip~

Role of The Christian Father

On FaceBook, there is a link you can subscribe to called "The Word of God". Daily you receive notes that encourage you as a Christian to live a life that exemplifies and honors Christ. It gives you real life situations and helps you learn how to make the best of who you are as a child of God.

Today's note particularly touched my heart. The role of a Christian father is so vitally important to our generation and our future generations. I have been so blessed that for 38 years I have had the worlds best dad!! His modesty will deny his greatness, but all that know him, know that he is a man who pursues God's heart. He is an amazing provider for our family and he has an unconditional love for all of us. So, I know it is a few days early, but I wanted to wish my daddy, John Rhodes, the best father's day and thank him for his continued love for me as his daughter. I love you Daddy!!


In His Grip~
Kristi

By The Word of God
Role of the Christian Father

Father’s day is a day to celebrate the goodness of fatherhood. This is a day when we remember and honor our father’s love and commitment. As children, have you thanked your father for his love toward you? We are thankful for fathers’ support, guidance and love. We thank God that He has blessed us with special fathers.

A father is a good provider. As long as he is capable, he is willing to labor hard to provide shelter for his family, and food on the table. However, I strongly believe that Christian fathers are not judged by how much they earn or how many material goods they can provide. What does matter to his children, is how he introduces, educates, and guides them to Jesus Christ and how good a faithful Christian role model he is.

Fathers are very important in God’s plan for the family. Fathers have a wonderful opportunity to encourage, to warn, to teach, to counsel, and to model the Christian life for their children. The most important job for fathers is found in Deuteronomy chapter 6 to teach their children to always love and obey God. Paul said that fathers should raise their children in the training and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). Christian fathers who do this will distinguish themselves from other fathers and will be obedient to God’s will. God desires that our children should be nurtured by fathers who love the Lord.

A man and his young son were climbing a mountain. They came to a place where the climbing was difficult and even dangerous. The father stopped to consider which way he should go. He heard the boy behind him say, “Choose the good path, Dad; I’m coming right behind you!”..As Christian fathers, are you doing your job? I am not talking about providing a cozy house, food for the table, and high education. By establishing the disciplines of worship, prayer, and Bible study in your own life, you’ll be prepared to integrate these into teachable moments with your children.

A father is the head of his family. A father does this, not out of insecurity, selfishness or pride, but out of the desire to be an obedient servant to God. (Ephesians 5:22) In this day and age when the concept of the family is under attack, and the role of the father is made light of, let us show our support of the institution of Fatherhood by loving and honoring our Fathers, and by being good Fathers; and by remembering and loving and honoring the greatest father of all - God the Father Almighty.

Meg and Mommy

A silent tear fell from my eye as I was going through pictures the other day. As many of you know, I love pictures!! I love to capture moments in my children's lives of them being just them. They are my priceless treasures!

I ran across a picture of Megan when she was two and one of mommy when she was two. The similarity is truly amazing!!! So, for fun...I thought I would share this memory with you...

(Megan is on the Left and I am on the right...I love it!)

And then here below is a picture of us today! I love you Meggie. I love the miracle that you are! I know life is crazy difficult for your young mind to understand...and I promise I am trying to fix it. I love you, your sissy, and bubba! So, even when I fall short...know I'm trying my best!!

Forever Your Mommy and Forever my love!

Total Forgiveness

Forgiveness. An act of selflessness that can be so hard to exercise. Forgiveness requires us to lay our pain aside and truly walk into forgiving others as Christ has forgiven us.

This can be an almost impossible task at times in our lives. When someone has hurt us or broken us, getting past it without bitterness requires that we do forgive them. I've learned that forgiveness doesn't mean that a relationship has to be reconciled...it means that the peace of Christ will consume our hearts over the pain or betrayal and bitterness will flee. It is the only way we will find freedom and release from the offense.

I chose not to share the details of the story behind the unforgiveness that I have harbored in my heart for over a year and a half at the destructive words spoken after one of the most devastating events in my life. But, however, I will share that these words cut like a knife deep into my heart leaving a scar. I have, to be honest, I hated the people that spoke them. I have carried this anger around and it has tainted so many other areas of my life and crept that negative energy into other relationships.

I thought that forgiveness meant condoning the actions that caused pain. It doesn't. It means the release of harbored pain and anger that can effect our emotions, our health, and our relationships with those that had nothing to do with the situation(s). It can also impose difficulty to forgive when the offender doesn't feel the slightest twinge of conscience.

I read recently a quote on forgiveness that states: "The ultimate proof of TOTAL forgiveness takes place when we sincerely petition the Father to let those who have hurt us off the hook - even if they have not hurt only us, but also those close to us". God mandates in His Scriptures that we forgive. Ephesians 4:32 "Be KIND and COMPASSIONATE to one another, FORGIVING EACH OTHER, just as Christ God forgave you."

Think of all the sins in our lives. Deliberate actions that go directly against what God asks us to do. But yet, He gave the ultimate price for our forgiveness. He GAVE His only Son to die for our sins so that we could live in His mercy and grace...so that we could walk as His forgiven children. He holds no grudge against those who honestly and earnestly petition forgiveness for our sins. If God gave His Son...can we not give our hearts? Can we not forgive each other and walk in love towards one another?

In reading R.T. Kendall's book 'Total Forgiveness' he explains through Scripture what forgiveness isn't. I think we get blinded by and fear the misconception of what forgiveness is and isn't. This can lead us to not move into forgiveness and the freedom that prevails.

Here is a list of what Mr. Kendall pens that forgiveness is NOT: (from pages 23 - 31 in his book, supported by Scriptures from God's word)

* Approval of what they did
* Excusing what they did
* Justifying what they did
* Pardoning what they did
* Reconciliation
* Denying what they did
* Blindness to what happened
* Forgetting
* Refusing to take the wrong seriously
* Pretending we are not hurt

And to help us understand what total forgiveness is, he helps by explaining through Scriptures how we can walk into this freedom from bondage to past hurts. Total forgiveness IS: (pages 31-46)

* Being aware of what someone has done and still forgiving them
* Choosing to keep no record of wrongs
* Refusing to punish
* Not telling what they did
* Being merciful
* Gracious
* Forgiveness is an inner condition
* It is the ABSENCE of bitterness
* Forgiving God (all of our bitterness is ultimately traceable to resentment of God
or unconscious anger that He would allow this pain to happen)
* Forgiving ourselves

I was relieved to see for once a true list that is backed by God's word that helped me to understand what total forgiveness is and is not. I have been so reluctant to forgive for fear of what it would mean, but now knowing what it is and isn't has opened my heart to explore the pain and earnestly kneel at the foot of the cross first to ask God to forgive my sins so that I could move into totally forgiving others and asking others to forgive me.

This is such a pivotal time in my life. There are many changes going on. Some I have no control over and others that I may be able to influence reconciliation by seeking forgiveness and walking in total forgiveness of others.

It by no means is easy. But I am determined to seek the depths of my heart to rid it of anything that causes me to walk in anything less than God's perfect peace that at times can surpass any understanding!

In His Grip ~

My Trip to Salt Lake City

Wow!!! I can't believe it's been 11 days since I returned from my trip to Salt Lake City to see my big brother~Dave, His awesome wife~Darcy, and my four PRECIOUS nieces!!! I can't begin to tell you how much this trip meant to me!!

The first day I was there, Darcy and I loaded up the girls and headed to the Mormon Tabernacle in downtown Salt Lake City!! I never knew such a thing existed!! Of course I had heard about it, but didn't realize the magnitude of this architectural masterpiece!! Wow! Amazing!!

The grounds were filled with the scent and scenery of Spring. There were brides all over the place having bridal portraits taken ~ families strolling through the abundant gardens ~ couples walking together hand in hand. It was like a paradise dead center in the middle of a major metropolitan city!

Here are a few pics that we took...I don't have all of them yet...(lucky you)...but here is what I have from that day....



The next picture...well, this next picture is so special to me. This is Darcy, my sister in law. She's not only a sister in law, she's the closest girl friend I have. She is an amazing woman...wife...mother...daughter...sister...aunt...and so much more. She has a heart full of compassion and has an inner strength that one can only have through her amazing tenacity. I love you Darcy. I draw strength and advice from watching you...just being in your presence is a safe place where my heart is free to feel. You came into our family by the grace of God and we are all ETERNALLY blessed for that gift! I love you like you were my own sister!!!



And then....it was lunch time...and someone was really hungry...but it is my favorite!!!


Now THIS is a HUGE church!!! Wow!






Needless to say it was the most refreshing day I have had in months and months!! It was perfect!! Perfect weather, perfect company, and stunning scenery.

Missing You

Please, for today, do not tell me to be strong. Please for today, let my heart feel the pain. Please allow me to travel through this...to journey through this in an attempt to somehow find my way...please, for today, let my heart pour the tears that have been so long wanting to fall...please....just for today...let me miss what was...miss what isn't....miss what never will be...just let me...

My Awesome Amazing Family!

Click here to view these pictures larger

A Call To Worship In The Valley

Below is a short note I wrote to a few friends on facebook....and I wanted to share it with those of you that aren't on facebook or might have missed it. This season has been long and difficult...but I've found my footing and the "quit" mentality that I've been shouldering for months is starting to fade. Thank you so much for the love and prayers that you each have selflessly given and the cards, postcards, emails, and phone calls....I've cherished each one. I'm sure the difficult days are not over...but I'm going to do my best to put the past behind me,embrace the life that I now have, and press on! I love you all!!!!


One of my all time favorite books was discovered shortly after one of the most tragic events in my life. It's an amazing book of trusting in the goodness and faithfulness of God during times of great sorrow or unrest. It's written by Matt and Beth Redman ~ "Blessed Be Your Name". You have more than likely heard the song that Matt so amazingly wrote that encourages the worshiper to bless the Name of God during every season of life. (I'll attach the Lyrics at the end of this note)

As I picked up this book again today, it fell open to Chapter 5 ~ "You Give and Take Away". This so appropriately encompasses the entire nature of the season of life that I am in.

God has given so much to me through my three children, my great parents, my amazing brother & his family, and wonderful friends. God also has allowed other relationships to fade away or end abruptly.

The pain of relationships ended, as in my marriage, has at times left me paralyzed in sadness and grief. My flesh over rode what in my heart and mind knew to be true about the reasons God allows these things to happen. I found myself reacting in ways that were not of God and what He would have me to do. I started to once again walk in the wilderness without the armor of His protection.

I'm thankful that He relentlessly pursued my heart again and gently drew me back to His presence and the foot of the cross where I found myself in repentance for wondering and joy in His grace and mercy that covers my life.

In this 5th chapter of this book, there are several phrases and statements that struck my heart as to be such great truth of who our God is during times in life where people or "things" are lost. I deeply desire to share these with you my precious friends. There are several of us that continue on in our journey in the valley and several more that know others who find themselves in the midst of pain that, if I were to only read this for myself, would be selfish on my part. So, please allow me to share with you these amazing words that Matt and Beth so realistically penned for us to read.

~ "Oh that God would bring us to the place that even when the familiar and the comfortable fall away beneath us, STILL we are found with an undying song of trust flowing from our lips and from our lives"

~ "The last section of the song "Blessed Be Your Name" comes straight from the story of Job. In what has to be one of the most intense stories in the whole of Scripture, Job is stripped of everything precious to him and suffers much hardship. Toward the beginning of his ordeal, he finds a way to the place of praise, falling to the ground in worship and crying out: 'The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord' (Job 1:21, NASB)
This resounding line is a challenge for every worshipper. A CALL TO TRUST DEEPLY IN THE SOVEREIGNTY OF GOD, SHAPING OUR LIVES BASED NOT ON THE TEMPORARY THINGS OF THE EARTH BUT ON THE ETERNAL KING OF HEAVEN. For devotion to STAND THE TEST OF TIME and ENDURE THROUGH EVERY SEASON of the soul, it CANNOT be based on the ever-changing circumstances of our lives-IT MUST HAVE ITS FOUNDATION ON THE NEVER-CHANGING WORTH OF GOD. (all emphasis mine)

~ (William Cowper was a great poet in the eighteenth century. He wrote many amazing hymns of praise. He was able to pen such amazing expressions of worship from a heart that carried much sadness...this next phrase that caught my heart is about his life)

".....But the most amazing thing of all about this hymn is that Cowper suffered with manic depression-something that he'd been plagued by for many years and that doctors in his day had little comprehension of. How incredible that he could write such a powerful hymn wrapped around the theme of sovereignty of God while living day by day under such a dark cloud!

~Yes, there are some things we will never understand while we walk upon this earth. There comes a time when we simply have to submit to the mystery.

~Sometimes, as we stand there in the midst of our pain and confusion, all we can do is submit to the mystery-knowing that He who gives and takes away is infinitely wiser and more loving than we could ever fathom.

~We stand on the unshakable hope of all that is to come - for our present suffering, as real and as awful as it may be, will be NOTHING in comparison with the glory that will be revealed in us (when we join Him in heaven)
.....Romans 8:18 says "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us"

~Somehow, this pain, which thunders violently in the very cores of our beings, will be but a mere whisper when compared with the radiance and satisfaction to one day be bestowed upon us. It's good news from a distant land, the glimmering haze of a bright hope to come. And yet it is not escapism - for though this hope will be fully unveiled to us on that day, even now we can live in Christ, and He in us. ***WE WALK ON: SORROWFUL, YET ALWAYS REJOICING; PERPLEXED, BUT NEVER IN DESPAIR; AT TIMES HAVING NOTHING AND YET POSSESSING EVERYTHING.

~The road to our final destination WILL INDEED BE MARKED WITH SUFFERING. Jesus is looking for worshippers who will CHOOSE Him EVEN IN THE MIDST of their pain. A people with a cry of "Blessed Be Your Name" RESONATING in the depths of their souls. And no matter how painful life becomes, He will SURELY BE WORTH THE STRUGGLE"

(And now for my thoughts...for what they are worth) :0)

This book, along with the Scriptures in the Bible, is a map to the hidden treasure of a peace that surpasses understanding during the painful and often devastating times in our lives that leave us feeling as though the wind has been knocked out of us and the rug violently ripped out from under our feet. The challenge, to praise Him, to trust Him, to keep our hearts open to Him while not fully understanding or possessing all the answers to His reasons for such dark times.

I have allowed the past 3 years to dictate my worship and trust in God. Not in the way God would want it...but in the way I wanted....I could not find a way to worship God or trust in His ways. I could (and still don't) understand how valley after valley continued to detour me on my journey to a closer relationship with Him. My goal…to praise Him in the storm and praise Him in the calm!

Will it be easy? No! I'm sure dark days will still find their ways into the path of my life. It's my choice from here on out to praise Him and trust Him...have faith in what I cannot see with my earthly eyes. But, there are good days right now as well….I shall hold on to those days…embrace them with a heart that desires to walk in joy!!

I continue to be blessed by my friends here on FaceBook. As I continue to press on through this valley, I will in time, share more about this journey and how so many of you have saved me in times of deep depression. I am forever blessed that God has brought many of you back into my life. I’m blessed for the new friends that I have made.

In His Grip~

"Sometimes He Calms The Storm"

Terrifying Night

It's been awhile since I've taken time to sit and post anything on this blog of mine. There was a time that I would post at least once a day. I was IN LOVE with life and all that made it up.

These days, it's been more difficult to find the good. I'll update more on my own journey later...hopefully. I know many of you have wondered and sent sweet messages asking for updates on how to pray ~ so I'll do my best to post on that later.

But for now, I want to post on the horrific weather that rolled through Norman last night ~ leaving me breathless at times ~ terrified at others ~ and just worried beyond comprehension.

I'd like to start by thanking my neighbors, Melissa and Tom. They came over with their little guy River (he's almost 3 and just the most precious little guy! The kids LOVE to play with him and having them as neighbors has become such a blessing!!)

Our local news had started "warning" us on Saturday that Monday would be filled with a severe weather outbreak. I didn't think much of it....that is until Monday late morning when they issued a tornado watch for most of our state that was in effect until 10:00 p.m. Still, I wasn't worried at this point.

Then all of a sudden, local programing was interrupted by our local news. Large dangerous storms started to form in Northern Oklahoma. If I recall correctly, by 2:00 there were reports of 3-4 tornado's in the North Central portions of our state. Within an hour, they began reporting on storms firing up at rapid speed just west of the Oklahoma City metro area. Tornado's warning popped up for Oklahoma City, Moore, Del City, Midwest City, and several other towns. Baseball and softball size hail with straight line winds in excess of 100 mph were approaching the area in which my parents live.

This is when my nerves started to increase and worry set in. Within 30 minutes, storms just west of Norman, where I live, blew up into major storms with multiple tornado's ~ headed our way. Around 4:30, the tornado sirens began to blow and the skies grew angry.Power went out and so we were left uninformed of what was going on....

Major circulation passed right over my house and was headed in the direction of where the kids are at Grandma's when they are with their Daddy. I started to call....and call....and call....and call....no answer....I was so fearful and had no idea what was going on at all. All I knew to do was pray that the kids would be okay.
Our local news channel 4 has a helicopter that covers stories and I knew something bad was going on when it flew over and suddenly began to hoover just by where the kids were. Again...I called and called and called....no answer. Finally, Daren picked the phone up and told me that they were in the closet. I could hear the kids crying in the background and my heart broke. I wanted to be with them. I'm a mommy...protecting my children is what I do. It's who I am.

So, with no power, no way to know what was going on...I jumped in my car and headed that way to see if they were okay. These next few pictures are pictures of the entrance to Gayle's house and some of 48th Street that her house is located off of......

So, I thank God that the kids are safe and okay. I'm anxious for them to get back home to Mommy!!
Thank You everyone for your prayers and love. It truly means the world to me...sometimes when times are tough...it's hard to pray...and knowing that so many of you are interceding for me really really means so much!! I love each of you!!!

In His Grip~