While I'm Waiting

I keep running across songs today. If you have been on my facebook page, you will probably agree.

Today, today I had set out to write ... it was supposed to be my song writing day. While God did give me words for one song... that is where my creativity stopped and the ministry of these other songs fell into place. Today I thought I was supposed to write... but today, I've realized that God wanted me to listen.

This song is just another word I feel that God placed smack dab in front of me.... "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller .... because during this season of waiting, I will chose to serve Him... Listen to these words and be inspired. No matter how deep your valley or how steep the climb ahead looks...stop every now and then and listen... for in the hearing comes His strength, His direction, His love to endure.



I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You,
Lord And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You,
Lord Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint
I'll be running the race Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You,
Lord And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You,
Lord Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait

Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Every Single Tear

Every Single Tear

You feel insignificant, a whisper in the wind
Sometimes you think nobody knows your name
But there's Somebody watching over you
And He knows everything you're going through

CHORUS:
He sees every single tear
He feels everything you're feeling
He wants to hold you close and dry your eyes
Your heart is what He hears
When the world just hears you crying
No matter what the pain, He cares About every single tear

Overwhelmed by circumstances out of your control
Hope can be the hardest thing to find
When you're like a heart without a home
You don't have to face this hurt alone

CHORUS
If God adorns the lilies of the field
And cares for every sparrow in the sky
How much more is He aware of your sorrow and despair
How much does He care about your life

CHORUS

This Side of Broken ~ by Kristi Cole

This side of broken, I have nothing inside,
I'm looking for somewhere to run and to hide.

This side of broken, there is nothing at all,
But when I quiet my mind, I hear hear the Lord's call.

"This side of broken", He says, "there is nothing for you here.
Only a life filled of loneliness, sadness and fears.

This side of broken isn't where you should stay."
He beckons and calls, "Child come My way".

Out of ashes He turns a beautiful life,
He fixes what's broken & clean the slate's wiped.

"My child I am with you, that 's all that you need
Leave the details to Me and I'll take care of the seeds.

Be patient My daughter for I am The One
Who will water these seeds and show them The Son.

It may not happen like you would have planned
But you can't see the view from where I stand.

For in My eyes I see beyond here and now
Place your trust just in Me and I'll show you how.

Walk in love and be obedient unto Me
for I'm in the business of restoring, you'll see.

It's not only YOU who has felt the sting of this storm
Other hearts have been battered, bruised, and torn.

Patience My child, you're a daughter of The King
You'll find shelter and peace beneath My mighty wings.

You will not be broken, at least not for long,
Through My word and My love you again will be strong.

written by: Kristi Cole
October 22, 2009
Dedicated to:My Precious Sweet Children!!!
I love each of you so much!!

FISH AND CHIPS TOURNAMENT ~ OCTOBER 23-24 2009 ~ RIVERWIND CASINO

Come to the Riverwind Casiono off Hwy 9 just south of Norman this Friday and Saturday October 23rd and 24th for the Fish & Chips Tournament!! Top bass fishing professionals...Skeet Reece, Mark Zona, Kevin VanDam, Rick Clunn, Dean Rojas, Jeff Kriet, Kenyon Hill, Dave Smith, Brad Hallman, Terry Butcher and more!! Meet the Pros Thursday October 22nd at Riverwind from 6:30-8:30.

"Ocean Wide" ~ by The Afters

Look outside
It's already light and the stars ran away with the night
Things we're said, words that we'll try forget,
it's so hard to admit I know we've made mistakes
I see through all the tears but that's what got us here

[Chorus:]
If love is an ocean wide
We'll swim in the tears we cry
They'll see us through to the other side
We're gonna make it
When love is a raging sea
You can hold on to me
We'll find a way tonight
Love is an ocean wide

I'll stay right here
It's where I'll always belong
Tied with your arms
Days like this, I wish the sun wouldn't set
I don't want to forget
What made us feel this way
You see through all my fears
And that's what got us here

[Chorus]
Love is an ocean wide enough to forget
Even when we think we can't


I love you!

Promise of A Lifetime

I have fallen to my knees

As I sing a lullaby of painI'm feeling broken in my melody

As I sing to help the tears go away

Then I remember the pledge you made to me

(Chorus)

I know you're always there

To hear my every prayer inside I'm clinging to

The promise of a lifetime

I hear the words you say

To never walk away from me and leave behind

The promise of a lifetime

Will you help me fall apart

Pick me up, take me in your arms

Find my way back from the storm

And you show me how to grow through the change

I still remember the pledge you made to me

(Chorus)

I know you're always there

To hear my every prayer inside

I'm clinging toThe promise of a lifetime

I hear the words you say

To never walk away from me and leave behind

The promise of a lifetime

I am holding on to the hope I have inside

With you I will stay through every day

Putting my understanding aside

I am comforted

I have fallen to my knees

As I sing a lullaby of painI'm feeling broken in my melody

As I sing to help the tears go away

Then I remember the pledge you made to me

(Chorus)

I know you're always there

To hear my every prayer inside I'm clinging toThe promise of a lifetime

I hear the words you say

To never walk away from me and leave behind

The promise of a lifetime

Will you help me fall apart

Pick me up, take me in your arms

Find my way back from the storm

And you show me how to grow through the change

I still remember the pledge you made to me

(Chorus)

I know you're always thereTo hear my every prayer inside

I'm clinging toThe promise of a lifetimeI hear the words you say

To never walk away from me and leave behind

The promise of a lifetime
I am holding on to the hope I have inside

With you I will stay through every day

Putting my understanding asideI am comforted

(Chorus)

To know you're always there

To hear my every prayer inside I'm clinging to

The promise of a lifetimeI hear the words you say

To never walk away from me and leave behind

The promise of a lifetime

I Miss My Family

“Be strong. Take courage.

Don’t be intimidated… because God,

your God, is striding ahead of you.

He’s right there with you.

He won’t let you down;

he won’t leave you.”

(The Message)
Deuteronomy 31:6

I Will ....

I will continue to believe that in all things God is present. Everything around me wants to tell me different. Everything tells me to give up. But God hasn't said anything about giving up. So, for today, for this moment...I will press on.

I will gently place one foot in front of the other and keep my focus on His presence in my life. Lord, quiet my spirit when You need to speak. When you open a door for me, let the words that I speak be Yours. Humble me and mold me into the woman that You have designed and desire me to be. Help my heart to remain tender through the battle and Lord, soften those hearts who are involved in this battle as well.

As always Lord, I plead for protection for the children. Protect their minds and hearts during this season of such uncertainty. Be with my little guy Lord, that his little heart will soften and that he will be more attentive to what mommy and daddy have to say. Show me where I can be a better mom. I love my children...they are all each blessings from You and I want to do the best that I can do, through You. Thank You Lord for always being there...You are the only one who really is!!!! And that, makes me in awe of You even more!!

In Jesus Name...

That's What Faith Can Do

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

What Faith Can Do ~ Kutless

THIS IS MY SONG!! It's so awesome that when we fall on our faces totally at the end of everything we are and have, we realize that God has been there all along...we get so caught up in taking care of our own problems...but what so crazy is that we don't have to take care of anything...we have to have faith in God and in His perfect amazing will. It would be so easy to give up ~ it would be so easy to watch everything fall apart and hurt with a pain that would leave a scar... but I am on my knees in prayer that God will strengthen my faith as I trust in Him!! That He will give me knowledge of words to speak and words to hold back. God, I AM Your child and I am crying out to You....

The WHOLE Armor....

EPHESIANS 6:10-13

10 Finally, my brethren, be STRONG in the Lord and in

the power of HIS might.

11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be

able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 1

2 FOR WE DO NOT WRESTLE AGAINST

FLESH AND BLOOD, BUT AGAINST

PRINCIPALITIES , AGAINST POWERS,

AGAINST THE RULERS OF

THE DARKNESS OF THIS AGE,

AGAINST SPIRITUAL HOSTS OF

WICKEDNESS IN THE HEAVENLY PLACES.

13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you

MAY BE ABLE TO WITHSTAND IN THE

EVIL DAY, AND HAVING DONE ALL, TO STAND.

I have nothing Lord but strength in You. Though the enemy comes at me from every direction, I will stand. I will fight a good fight and trust in You for all things, in all things, and because of all things. You are truly my shelter, the place at night I can go to still my mind and find some sort of peace that doesn't seem to exist in the daylight hours. The nights can be terrifying as well....but last night, I cried to You, and You heard me. You wrapped me in the palm of your hand and the Holy Spirit was the blanket that tucked me in. I thank You for the grace and mercy that You have extended me. I pray that I will walk in Your light and in a way that is pleasing to You. God, You and only You know the truths behind this .... and I trust and believe that You will lift the veil of lies and Your truth will be exposed. God, I pour myself out to you!! Thank You that you are close to those who have a broken heart! Show me ~ show ME the areas that You would have me change so that I may walk in Your will. I have so far to go....but I know that You are with me every step.

In Jesus Precious Name,

Amen

The Weathering Grace of God

(**Personal note/update at end of this entry)

CHAPTER TWO

THE WEATHERING GRACE OF GOD

Page 70

As mountains attract the weather, so the upheavals in our lives attract the grace of God. Those who have had deadly, crushing, bitter experiences happen to them are the ones to whom the Father is especially drawn.

* The Lord is near to the brokenhearted. (Ps. 34:18)

* A broken and contrite heart, O God, Thou wilt no despise. (Ps 51:17)

* He heals the brokenhearted, and binds up their wounds. (Ps 147:3)

....Gire goes on in this chapter and refers to the Dust Bowl that historically changed so many lives of those who had retreated to Oklahoma from the great depression

Page 83

The unrelenting winds of the Dust Bowl swept topsoil from their farms.With the loss of soil came the loss of their crops. with the loss of their crops came the loss of their livelihood. with the loss of their livelihood came the loss of their farms.

Page 85

The Dawn came, but no day.

....When the night came again it was a black night, for the starts could pierce the dust to get down, and the window lights could not even spread beyond their own yards. ...

An upheaval not only alters the landscape but often deforests the landscape, leading to further devastation. The same thing can happen when tragedy strikes the small, forty-acre farm that is our life

Steinbeck's description of the Dust Bowl is what the weather of the heart is sometimes like for the one who has endured great loss. A steady wind blows you, opposes you, oppresses you. the wind grows stronger, whisking away what little soil that surrounds the few rootlets of spiritual life you have left. With the wind come stinging reminders of how different your life is from everyone else's.....Your bloodshot eyes burn from the wind blown grit. Your tears wash away the grit, but not the burn.

To escape these stinging realities, you huddle yourself in your house. .....No matter how thorough you are in your dusting, there is always something you have overlooked, always some reminder of your loss.

You lie in bed at night, staring at the ceiling. Your thoughts are incoherent pieces of a puzzle you have grown weary of, yet can't get rid of. The headache won't go away. Or the guilt. Or the regret. You're out of tears, out of prayers. You've waited in silence, wept in silence, wondered in silence. You wonder if anyone is up there, beyond that ceiling, if anyone was ever up there, or if it has all been just so much pious talk and positive thinking, reinforced by the peer pressure of your religious friends. .....

.....What little light you have within you doesn't spread very far, either.

Throughout the night the wind continues. The night is long and it seems the dawn will never come. Finally the dawn comes, but no day....And God, who once seemed so radiant, now seems a dim red circle that give little light.

.....What then?

We start by realizing that reclaiming the land doesn't happen overnight.

But it does happen. And it begins to happen when we pray. Each time we pray, we plant a seed. It takes years to sow them. Even more years to grow them. That is how we cooperate with god in reclaiming the landscape. A seed at a time. We plant them in faith, NOT KNOWING HOW MANY WILL SPROUT, OR OF THOSE THAT SPROUT, HOW MANY WILL SURVIVE. And though the odds are against us, we believe that some of those seeds will root, that some of them will survive, and that someday they WILL make a difference in the landscape of our lives.

Yet, there are days when the promise of "someday" is not enough. You try to think of a reason to go on living today. but today you can't. And from your trembling hand, the only seed you have to sow is the prayer that God in His mercy puts an end to your misery, and takes you home. Not someday, but today.

Page 91

C.S. Lewis said...."We should bring to God what is in us, not what ought to be in us". The oughts will keep us from telling the truth. they will also keep us from feeling the truth. Especially the truth about our pain.

We can be too careful with our words, especially when we pray. We can be too quick to come to conclusions about what happened and why. too quick to make sense of it all. Too quick to see God in it all.

Page 92

When Jesus received the news of John the Baptist's death....He went away by Himself and mourned. (Matt 14:1-13)

....Jesus reached into the depths of His soul for whatever words He could find that spoke the truth of his pain. We are told that He agonized with "loud crying and tears" (Heb 5:7) We are also told that He fell to the ground, where He prayed fervently and sweated profusely. (Luke 22:44)

...We pray however we can, with whatever words we can. We pray with our sweat, with our tears. and we pray with whatever friends we have who will sit with us IN THE DARKNESS!!

Page 93

Gethsemane, Calvary, and any other place in the world where tears are wept but unblotted - where questions are asked but unanswered....

Page 95

"Man comes closer to God through the questions he asks Him, he liked to say. Therein lies true dialogue. Man asks and God replies. But we don't understand His replies. We cannot understand them. Because they dwell in the depths of our soul and remain there until we die. The real answers you will find only within yourself"....."I pray to God within me for the strength to ask Him the real questions." (quotes by Elie Wiesel a Holocaust survivor who lost his entire family in that tragic season)

Who of us knows what those questions are? Or how deeply within ourselves we will have to go to find them? Who knows what we will find in those depths?

Maybe something of secret of who we are. Who we are, who we truly are, is a secret known only to god. One day we will be given the stone that bears our new name (Rev 2:17). But TODAY, that name is a mystery, even to us.

Page 97

I think that we feel if we can somehow connect all the dots in life in some kind of cause-and-effect manner, that life can be managed and made safe for us and for those we love.

But the universe cannot be managed or made safe. Not by us anyway. When we lose a sense of mystery, we lose a sense of our place in the universe. And leaving that place, we leave behind a humility that is attendant to that place.

Mystery, ambiguity, uncertainty. These are places where we reach an end of ourselves, places where we have to stop, stop and take off our shoes. If we don't. the mystery, the ambiguity, the uncertainty will one day prove too much for us. If we must have all our questions answered before we can go forward in our relationship with God, there will come a day when we won't go forward.

Some mysteries remain God's secret. Others Jesus shares with us, the way He shared with Peter something of secret of His own life.

Page 99

Our lives are part of an over-arching drama, part sunshine, part rain, that spans the heavens from Paradise to Paradise. What role we play in that drama is a secret Jesus shares with us, if at all, at His own discretion. Many of the most personal secrets of our story are seldom shared with anyone else. the continuation of Jesus's conversation with Peter is a case in point.

.....Peter, turning around, saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them; the one who also had leaned back on His breast at supper, and said, "Lord, who is the one who betrays You?" Jesus said to him, "If you want him to remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!" (John 21:20,22)

The secret of my friends' story is a mystery. It is not mine to know. It many not even be theirs to know, not now anyway. For now we see in a glass darkly, but then face to face, and now we know in part, but then we shall know fully just as we have been fully known. (1 Cor. 13:12)

So until then, what?

We feel our way in the dark.

Until we find each other.

We huddle together in the storm.

Wet and shivering, but together.

And maybe in the end it will be our huddling in the storm that gives us more comfort than our understanding of the storm.

Page 101

July 16, 1903 ~ German poet Rainer maria Rilke wrote:

Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart...try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer"

God doesn't ask us to figure out our salvation., with confidence and certainty. he asks us to work it out, with fear and trembling (Phil 2:12) Living the questions is part of the way we do that. It is an honest way. It is also a painful way. The Scriptures help, but not with the pain. The Scriptures are not a medicine cabinet, filled with prescriptions to take the edge off life. They are about a God who, during his most painful experience on earth, REFUSED THE WINE MIXED WITH MYRRH THAT WAS OFFERED HIM.

The Scriptures show us what life with such a God is like.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Friends, I believe that the grace of God and His mercy is with me...it's with you. I can't see it, it's not tangible, but I know it's real. I believe that the same God I approached weeping over "Little M's" medical diagnosis during my pregnancy and the same God I fell before with great joy as she was healed...is the same God that will work His miracles in my life today. I will not stand for anything else.

Today was so difficult. I had to take the kids back to Daren, who is living with his mother. Upon entering into the house, they had removed almost all of my belongings and put them in the entry way for me to take with me after dropping the kids off. My children, in tears a great deal of the time, questioned what was going on....and asked where we were going. I had to tell them that I had to leave ~ but leaving them had nothing to do with loving them. How do you make a 3 year old and two year old twins understand that?? I thought it was in poor taste to make me load these things in the car while the children were present to watch. It broke my heart. They will be with Daren until Monday morning, when I will run quickly to sweep them into my arms and shower them with the kisses I won't be able to give them until then.

This is a terrible, terrible situation. I do not know the Daren that stood before me today. My heart is broken. We've been together for 18 years....we divorced in 1998 after 4 1/2 years of marriage, but our love still stood. Never taken away. God gave us a second chance...a chance that I ran with knowing that I would never let it go. I don't want to let it go. I don't want to watch our family torn apart. As long as Daren is living under that roof though, he will be fed with nothing positive...nothing full of God's light...everything he listens to spoken by others is NOT words of faith, reconciliation and hope...

I have so many tears...so much pain in the depths of my heart. I will stand on God's word and the promises of His character and I will trust in Him. I will pray without ceasing. I will hope with no end and I will have faith that in the end...this is His victory and our story will go on.

Thank you for your prayers and love. It is a lonely time. I will do my best to keep updates on the progress and just ask that for now, pray, intercede for us, for Daren, that those who are pulling us apart, lose strength.... I love you all so very much!!

In His Grip!

Every Time I Press In

Friends, I have always marveled at the way God brings the perfect person or the perfect book or Scripture to my life in moments of need. As you know from previous post this week, I have been reading the amazing book "Life As We Want It....Life As We Are Given It".

It has been talking about the upheavals of life and how at the time it can feel as if a earthquake that blows any magnitude on the Richter scale has plummeted into your life.

This week is of no exception. I am not at liberty to divulge details at this time...I am just here to tell you that I will press on. I will allow the dust to settle and for the ruble left behind to wash away allowing God, in all His Glory, to replace the ashes that have seemed to suffocate me right now and turn them into a beauty that serves His purpose.

This truly is a large upheaval. I will not change my stance. I will hold firm to the convictions of my heart and not loose strength. In the silence I spend with God and hearing His voice, I can survive on that alone. I am a proud mother of three incredible children. They in them selves are proof of the beauty that God has brought into my life.

I am far from done. I am just getting started. I will do all that I can to glorify and press on ...and if I can do it...you can do it to. Don't lose heart...don't give up...talk, just talk to God and He will hear your heart. To those few family members that are still in support, I thank you deeply with every fiber of my heart. To my friends who have tenderly held my hand the past few weeks, I am grateful. Again, your prayers are priceless and I am humbled to have you interceding for me!!

I love you all....
In His Grip....Stronger Than Ever!!

Chapter 1

LIFE AS WE WOULD WANT IT....LIFE AS WE ARE GIVEN IT

The Beauty God Brings from Life's Upheavals

BY ~ Ken Gire

Chapter One

THE TERRIFYING UPHEAVALS OF LIFE

Upheavals. Just the thought of that word made my heart skip a beat. Then, he added the words terrifying and life and I knew that this wasn't going to be an easy chapter to dissect and "take in". If you didn't read my unusually LONG post from yesterday, this book is about, well, it's just as the title states. "Life As We Would Want It...Life As We Are Given It".

Throughout this chapter you feel the raw emotion of the stories he tells. Families that have suffered loss of children, friends & in some stories, entire villages. Losses through disease, natural disasters, freak accidents. It's truly a chapter that brought many tears not just to my eyes, but tears that spilled over onto the pages that I read.

There is so much about life that we do not know. We haven't a clue what tomorrow, next week, next month, or the next years might entail. Will there be upheavals? Will there be just one incident that shakes our lives and changes us forever? Will there be a season, however long or short, that leaves us wondering where we went wrong for all of these things to happen to us?

For our family immediate and extended, we have suffered great loss in many areas. We all have been shaken to our core at one time or another. As I look at my parents and how they traveled through these dark times, I noticed that they were more emotionally and spiritually prepared than I ever was. As I tenderly gaze at my brother's family picture, I see an underlying strength that lives within them that even now may not be totally revealing to them. I know them though, I know of their deep relationship and passion for God and all His people! Then I close my eyes and try to think of what people would say of me if asked where they saw me at in my relationship with God during these never ending vallies??? I can tell you that I know I did not at the time have the faith or relationship with God that I should have. Instead of spending prior years building a fortress in which I could run, I wasted that time on selfish desires and worldly matters that in no way prepared me for what was ahead. I wish I had spent time in His word, in His house, in His presence....I wish I knew more about God BEFORE these things happened rather than learning so much about His goodness AFTER!!!

In uncertain times, times of great terrifying upheavals of life, the ones that are filled with loss and corruption of our "before lives"... I agree with Ken Gire when he said that "at times he wishes he didn't believe in God because if we took God out of the picture, we wouldn't take the upheavals so personally. And though the upheavals might still destroy the landscapes of our lives, at least they wouldn't kick up any cosmic dust so that we spend a lot of time wandering in its haze, disoriented and trying to make some kind of sense of it." It would, as Ken says, "be so much easier to just say that the world is filled with randomness and chaos and bad things happen to all of us, and we should just enjoy what we can of life, thanking our "lucky stars" that bad things don't happen to us more often than they do."

I know after two miscarriages, my fundamental faith that was instilled in me through my parents and friends, saved me in many ways. But DURING the pain of losing my babies I would spend days upon days in tearful wonder of what I did to deserve this. What did I do wrong God? Why me? Why my babies? It was an emotional roller coaster of pendulum swings from the top where I felt God's control, to the depths of the valley where I questioned and was angry, shaking my fist at God. After all...God is love and if he is a loving God...how do these things happen??? And more selfishly, why do they happen to me?

We can all get crazy lost in questioning God and His perfect will for our lives. I wonder too what beauty could possibly come out of the tragedies that we have faced in the last 4 years. It also leaves me with an intermittent wonder of what upheavals might become of tomorrow and how long they would last. But I'm going to try a new approach to this crazy life of mine. I want to get closer to God. Closer than I've ever been before. I want to know Him and His word so that when the unspeakable happens, my fortress or refuge IS in Him and not in someone or something. I want to run and hide in Him and know that I know that I know He is with me and in His wings I will find shelter.

Psalm 46:1-11 shows us the truth of God's character. He is our refuge and strength and ever present help in time of trouble. He is in control and has got to have our trust or we will fail at any attempt to try to survive and see what beauty He produces out of the ashes. In times of upheaval, "Be still, and know that I am God".

That's all He is asking that we do....be still. And that to someone like me can be asking a great deal. But to be still and rest in Him is the origination of a strength to endure. We need to, at times, "cease striving" for the answers to our innumerable questions.

Wendell Berry writes in a poem of his what happens when we are still:

The mind that comes to rest is tended

In ways that it cannot intend;

Is borne, preserved, and comprehended

By what it cannot comprehend.

Ken Gire writes: "What we are asked to listen to in times of upheaval is the voice of the Great Artist Himself, who will one day bring, out of the upheavals in this world, a new heaven and a new earth. And He IS in the process of bringing, out of the upheavals in our life, a new heaven and a new earth within us as well."

Be still. Be silent. Find strength to endure in Him. Drown out the inner voices that the enemy so persistently and loudly scrams at us to weaken our ability to sit in silence for The One who heals and restores. Satan will stop at all cost to cause us to doubt, and in some cases cease to believe, that He, THE ALMIGHTY GOD, DOES IN FACT LOVE US!

We, as a family, have been in an incredible time of upheaval. It feels as if we live on a fault line, where earthquakes or tremors occur every day. It is discipline that keeps me at least trying to force myself back to His promise that He would never leave me or forsake me. I know that He has not based my life on a national seismic hazard mapping project thrust upon us by God. I know that there is nothing we can or can't do to prevent further quakes and the magnitude that they can withhold. I also, however, know that God does take the ashes and turn them into something beautiful. I know that as long as I abide in Him, He will protect me and that His perfect will shall be carried out. It doesn't mean that I don't hurt deeply or like Job, ask God why....It just means that at the end of this brief time here on earth....God is going to reveal to me the most majestic picture painted by The Artist of my life.

In His Grip~ And HOLDING ON!!!

Life As We Would Want It... Life As We Are Given It

Ken Gire has always been one of my favorite authors. His honest realistic approach coupled with the Living Truth of God's Word has allowed me to see things from God's perspective. He in no way acts like he is a god, but rather is so relevant in his interpretation of God's Word and the promises within those Scriptures.He deeply feels each word he writes and has a true passionate concern for all of us to live life in God's peace and presence.

The first book of his that I read was "The North Face of God". It fell across my journey in the depths of grief over the sudden and tragic loss of my nephew on November 3, 2008. It is a great, great book and I highly recommend it. In short, short synopses of the book, he gently reveals to us that though we may feel as if God is cold and unaware of our hurt, pain, or loss, he is actually protecting us from that in which our eyes here on earth, nor our minds, could possible make sense of.

Isaiah 55:8

"For your thoughts are not My thoughts

neither your ways are My ways." Declares the Lord.

I grew to at least trying to trust in God's purpose in our loss, from totally thinking that He was crazy and that nothing could ever make sense of this nor would the God that I know allow such a thing. Friends, it goes so much further than what we know. I have no more answers today than I did last week, last month, or last year. I am merely finding my way into peace with what has transpired and thanking God every day for His patience to endure His pursuit of my heart. I am stubborn, strong willed, and can tend to think that my way of thinking is the right way to think... but sadly, I have been proven wrong more times than I would like to admit. (OTHER than the fact that The University of Oklahoma is part of the Promise Land and produces great athletes and great citizens of this great country....BOOMER SOONER!!!) :0)

I urge you, I highly recommend to you, that if you are at a spot in your journey of life and you are wondering where God is pick up a copy of "The North Face of God". I can promise that He is there with you, He is not asking for you to do anything but allow Him into the pain of your heart where He will heal whats broken and fill you with peace...a peace that surpasses all understanding. He is there through Scripture, through church families, and through numerous conferences, magazines, and books. Ken Gire pens some of the most life changing publications I have read ~ and trust me, my bookshelf is full! I hate "obscure" reading right now. I want to read something that leaves an indellable impression in my heart that will inspire me in my daily journey while here on earth. What I "want" to do and what I actually "do" though still needs great attention for I am far, far, far from where I should be.(Romans 7:19-20 For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.)

The book that I just recently picked up of his is just as incredible to me. On the heels of "The North Face" I stumbled upon "Life As We Would Want It, Life As We Are Given It" (The Beauty God Brings From Life's Upheavals). For me personally, reading the first of these two books helped greatly extend the healing process and this book feels to me like the next step up. I am FINALLY starting to understand our place in this broken world and when He is given the opportunity & we move aside, what God WILL do. We have to open ourselves to Him for healing. There is no one person on this earth that can fill your heart 100% of the time with 100% satisfaction guarantee. (the only thing I've seen recently with that guarantee was an infomercial for Life Alert "Help I've fallen and I can't get up....anyway, just sayin!.....for my facebook peeps!)

I have just recently started this book, but I feel a strong passion and direction from God to share it...journal things on this blog because I believe that there is at least one person out there who feels so abandoned by something or someone that they need hope...and hope in anything other than God will leave you feeling even more empty. PLEASE, trust me on this!!! I know this much to be fact, not observation!! I would not be here today, literally, if it wasn't for the grace of God and His mercy and endless love.

So, today, Thursday, September 24, 2009, I want to share a part of the Prologue. I say just a "part" but if you know me, I'll probably be writing the entire prologue. I just feel exceptionally moved to help someone. So Lord, as I begin to share the works of this great author, touch the lives of those who read it and God, in ways only you can create, allow this to cross the eyes of someone who is in dire need of knowing You and Your merciful and gracious love.

Prologue

He has made everything beautiful in its time.

Solomon

Ecclesiastes 3:11

Thou who wouldst see the lovely and the wild

mingled in harmony on Nature's face,

Ascend our rocky mountains.

William Cullen Bryant

From His Poem

"Monument Mountain"

~Page 3~

When we draw close to Nature, reaching out to it for clues to our existence, Nature takes our hands and fills them with the fertile loam of our humanity, reminding us that from the earth we were taken and to the earth we will return.
It's humbling to realize for us who have been given dominion over Nature how limited that dominion is. We can light candles, but we can't hold back the night. We can prepare for storms, but we can't prevent them. We can't stop the rains in times of flood or start them in times of drought. We can't shorten winter or lengthen spring.

~Page 4~

In Nature we are confronted with the limits of our dominion. Nowhere are those limits so obvious as in the way mountains are formed. When sheer formations of rock are suddenly thrust through the surface of the earth, we are helpless to stop it. Helpless to control either its duration or its devastation.

We are just as helpless when some tragedy devastates us. Like the death of a child. (Lord, help me to continue) Or the diagnosis of cancer. The prodigal who runs away from home. Or the partner who walks away from the marriage. The sudden disability from a wreck. Or the sobering dismissal from work. (Now, I can honestly say that 5 out of the 6 of these life changing situations Mr. Gire described have intersected with my life at some point WITHIN the last 6 years....)

Upheavals come suddenly, unexpectedly, and often catastrophically. Whenever they come, however they come, they forever ALTER THE SETTLED TERRAIN THAT ONCE WAS OUR LIFE. (emphasis mine) Embedded within us are physical, spiritual, and psychological layers that make up our interior landscape. When upheavals come, they alter every layer with varying degrees of destruction that SOMETIMES TAKE A LIFETIME TO UNEARTH. (again, emphasis mine)

~page 5~

Imagine for a minute that YOU are the landscape. The upheaval thrusts itself mercilessly through the very center of who you are. The abrading of granite. The crumbling of limestone. The crashing boulders as they tumble down around you, shattering to pieces. You feel all of that, every grinding moment of it. Your stomach drops, your head spins, and you watch in helpless horror as the innermost parts of your life lie on the surface, exposed to the elements.

The deafening noise is the sound of the upheaval as it forces its way through every stratified layer that lies within you. Your body, mind, emotions, all these layers are displaced. They are folded or pushed upward or thrust over each other. The social layers of your life are shaken. And the spiritual layers that once seemed such bedrock certainties, they're shaken too.

~Page 6~

Who of us can survive the shock and aftershocks of such earth-shaking experiences? Who of us has the strength to sift through the emotional rubble of the resulting devastation? Who of us has the courage to face the future where other upheavals may await us?

Meanwhile, where is God in all of this? Didn't He see the upheaval coming? Couldn't He have prevented it? Or at least warned us of it?

Much of the way pressure within the earth thrusts rock formations through its crust to create mountains, the seismic pressure of these unanswered questions create sudden and sometimes terrifying upheavals in our faith.

~Page 7~

To this bare and broken rock, God comes.
There the weathering grace of God begins its work, wearing granite into soil, planting windblown seeds into barren slopes, bringing life out of lifelessness, beauty out of ugliness.

Season after season, the work continues.

In time, God turns the most terrifying of eruptions into the most majestic of mountains, the most tragic of earthquakes into the most idyllic of landscapes.
That is the unrelenting work of heaven, to make everything beautiful in its time.

And then...the book begins. I believe, because I have read in Scriptures, that God is already with us before tragedy strikes, and He is there with us as it unfolds, and I KNOW He is there holding us when everything around us seems to be falling at our feet and the pain is too much to bear.

We are such a culture of quick fixes. (Look at Obama...never mind...I'm not going there...didn't vote for him, but his entire "change" oriented campaign was not portrayed in unraveling at the speed it is, creating with it monumental difficulties for us, the average American family and the children that will reap the harvest, or lack of, in the future...whew...that's for another time) We want so much for God to take the pain away RIGHT NOW. Sometimes He does and other times, HIS will is to walk with us a little longer in our sorrow so that through the valley, as we walk hand in hand with Him, He can become more intimately real in our hearts and lives. "everything is beautiful in its time" The Scriptures never promise us how long the journey will take...they promise us of the grace, mercy and love that God showers endlessly on those who seek Him and allow Him to be their most intense of desires in life.

I recently have gone through a time of great pain or severe reality check as to where we are as a family. Daren lost his job 7 months ago as most of you know and I think I just turned my head from the true and ugly reality of what was unfolding before us. We are a family of 5 who are maintaining our living through less than $1000 a month from unemployment and through the kindness of Daren's mom allowing us to move into her home and share it with us. My parents have helped provide with school for Kory. But more importantly, there are our prayer warriors that cover and love us....they are a picture of the feathers on the wings of God that we find shelter in.

I don't have any idea what tomorrow holds and I can't change a thing about what happened yesterday, but I can stop TODAY to remind myself that this life is not to be lived the way I want it to be, but as God has carefully orchestrated with every second of my life in mind. I choose to believe that He is with us and has been with us over the past three years as we have been thrust into seasons that without Him, we would have never survived to tell. He has carried us....even when we doubted where He was...He held us even more tightly in the palm of His hand and it is in looking back at those times I truly and honestly can say that I do only see One set of Footprints...
In His Grip and So Thankful for His Love~