Abounding In Love

"The love of God, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. This love NEVER fails" 1 Corinthians 13:7-8

Why is love so important? Because love is the only spiritual muscle that motivates us to do the right things, in the right way, for the right reasons, and at the right times. God's love "is the fulfillment of the law" (Romans 13:10 NIV) - it is the accomplisher of the righteousness and holiness. Faith, in fact, works by love. It is the mark of the Christian life that is to set us apart from those in the world~as the song says, "They shall know we are Christians by our love." It is the sign of spiritual exuberance as opposed to inner deficiencies or a life crippled by deep personal hurts. It is also the VINE from which all the other fruit grow ~ "joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control" (Galatians 5:22-23)......

Love is the ONLY thing that moves us outside of ourselves to join with others or to help others. The need for this love is the magnetism that God uses to attract us-without it we feel the "God-sized hole" within us."

~excerpt from "Discover the Power in the Prayers of Paul" by David Borden

Abounding Love ~ overflowing without end ~ selfless in all things ~ works towards the good of others to build and add not to detract or tear down. We all could love more....love without conditions and selfish ambitions.... to love as God loves us.... to live as God lives in us.... to learn as God leads us....

In His Grip,

Please pray for My Little One

Please pray for my littlest girl. She is in great struggle to breathe due to an upper resperitory infection and her asthma.

As a mommy, there is no pain greater than watching your baby struggle and wanting so much to help her.... Hold her and breathe for her to give her rest.

The twins journey from what seems the moment their lives began in the pregnancy and the months and years since have been so difficult. But, I am their mommy and I was there for every moment of their lives and I will fight til my own last breathe to provide love, nurture, and protection.

Please pray for all three kiddos. They're all sick and it's breaking my heart..,

During the weeks and months to come...please pray that the hearts of the children will be protected.

I've been blessed beyond words to have the love and support of some dear friends.... Thank you for standing by me.

Pieces of Joy & Sadness

Joy and sadness.

How can one heart feel so full of both? I don't know, but that is where I find myself. Broken pieces of what "was" glued together to embrace what "is".

JOY!!! My sweet babies come home tomorrow! I can not wait to see them...to tackle them with love and laughter and to fill this house back up with the sounds of their precious voices!!!

SADNESS!!! It is so difficult on the days they aren't here. It's not "life", it's just survival...filling time up with stuff so that the pain of their absence is lessened. So the quiet ~ well, it's just not "quiet".

These past four days have been more difficult. More things in life going on and not really in the direction that I want them to. I'm learning more and more about people and this life around me. Who I can trust and who I can't....and those still in question. I've realized that some people don't take you at your word and honor your feelings...and that hurts. I feel like slowly I'm putting bricks up that are forming a wall around my heart. To me, right now, that's fine. My heart is full and 100% for my babies. I just don't want to become jaded or hardened towards others during this season of life.

When friends betray you, use you for their gain, I feel the hurt in my heart. My life is not a soap-opera...it's not for people to poke fun at and take lightly. I'm at a terribly hurtful place in life right now. A place I didn't ask to be at, but again, find myself standing in wonder at what is taking place. I hate it. I hate it so much!!

I hate the hurt ~ I hate the loneliness ~ I hate the choice that's been made for me to be where I am at.

I have to find a way to embrace this new life. I have to stop the worry about what tomorrow might bring. I have to take the pieces of joy and sadness and hand them over to God so that something truly beautiful comes out of this and trust Him fully that He is in control.

In His Grip~

"Shattered Dreams" ~ Larry Crabb

"A Hell of Mercy" ~ Chapter 13

"God's restraint has a purpose. When He appears to be doing nothing, He is doing something we've not yet learned to value and therefore cannot see. Only in the agony of what we seem to see as the absence of His presence, will we relax our determined grip of our empty selves enough to appreciate His purposes.

He could do something.Yet He does nothing, at least not what we ask Him to do. Why? To deepen our desire for HIS Presence, to strengthen our passion to PURSUE HIM, to help us see how preoccupied we are with filling our God-shaped souls with something less than God.

Only when we want Him as we want nothing else will there develop in our hearts a space large enough for Him to fill. Because He longs to fill us, He hides His face long enough for us to discover how fervently and exclusively we want Him. When our discovery creates a secret space that nothing else can fill, and when we KNOW that to be TRUE, He enters.

Through pain of shattered dreams, God is awakening us to the possibility of infinite pleasure. That is the nature of our journey; it's what the Spirit is doing. When we understand THAT, we'll define "doing well" on this journey very differently than before......"

In His Perfect Peace

Isaiah 26:3
“You will keep him in PERFECT peace

whose mind is STAYED on YOU,

because he trusts YOU”

Perfect peace. A place I strive to arrive at. Perfect peace, peace that the wicked can not steal nor will ever know without a true and full knowledge of who God is and what His Scriptures teach about walking a life with Him. I've learned to live in the day where I am not moved by situations, circumstances, and people around me. I long for the day where the negative of this world is one thing that I can pray about and one thing less that influences my attitude or spirit.

In the valley, it can be so overwhelming to keep that perfect peace. Today, all I could do is look towards Heaven and pray, continually, and He instilled within me His perfect peace. When my mind would float back to all the “if’s, and’s, or but’s” I would immediately feel my spirit within me grow weary and peace drift away. But, when staying in HIS presence, peace can't be stolen.

This journey in the valley right now is going to be shortened. I’m going to make a detour to the top by keeping my focus on Him. Following His lead and moving to the beat of His heart and not my own.

Sure, many will question me and accuse me. I would love to follow that statement with “I really don’t care”, but that is a lie. I do care. For out of my mouth comes truth. I haven’t always lived this way, but for a while now, I have, and trust me, it’s a much better way of life. Since 2004, I can honestly say that I have tried my best to seek the Lord. I have changed many of my ways. Sure, the devil in his scheming has tried relentlessly to sidetrack me with various situations. I may have stumbled on some of them, but I did not fall out of the grip of my Saviors Grace! He forever held me in those times tightly to His chest as any parent would do for a child in pain ~ physically or emotionally.

I am far from perfect. I’m not perfect in anything. But my desire is to grow more and more into His likeness daily. With my words, actions, and deeds.

Today, God opened a door and I will never ever forget it. I have found a home for the kids and I to live in so we can be a family. The application has been submitted and I am waiting on approval from the owners. The property management office should call tomorrow (Friday) afternoon to let me know. Your prayers for approval and favor would be MUCH appreciated!!!

Is it a palace? No. Is it in a bad area? No. It’s perfect. It’s just what I need to provide for my kids. The girls have their own room, Kory has his room, and Mommy has her room.

So, with heaviness in my heart, but peace in my mind, I will know that I did all I can during this 10 month adventure since Daren lost his job due to the economy.

I am going to take some courses from the local vo-tech to get my medical coding certificate, which prayerfully, will allow me to work from home down the road. In the mean time, I will find a job to provide the needs of my family!

I can’t sit and wait, nor do I believe in my heart, mind, or body, that God wants me to sit and wait for Him to drop something in my lap. There are times in life that I believe He does that, but He does that to those that exercise their will to follow Him and live according to His word.

I pray that my children will not be torn over any of this. I pray that they will see their home with me and their home at Grandma Gayle’s with Daddy as safe loving homes that desire the best for them. I can’t wait to get in there and decorate and put our home together and make it OVERFLOWING with God’s love, PEACE, & joy!!! It’s been so long.

There are many people that have (& continue to) prayed for me & help me get to where I am today….and to merely say thank you seems too simple. My deepest gratitude to each and every one of you who have shown support through prayer, words of uplifting encouragement, and financial support. I would not be here today had you not followed the promptings of the Holy Spirit to take time to call, write, pray, email….the list goes on and on.

I pray abundant, OVERFLOWING, blessings out of the hands of God to you and your families. May a hedge of protection be over you in all things in all ways. I love you; yes love you, each and every one!! Your part in our story will be known to each of the children by letters I have tucked away for them to read in the future. I want them to see mommy’s heart during this should anything happen where the Lord calls me home before they are old enough to understand themselves. They mean the world to me.

Dear Lord, I love you and lift Your Name in praise…for in You, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. My gaze will forever be upon the cross and may I kneel there and seek you daily. I am so undeserving of Your endless love…but accept it and value it as a pirate finds lost treasure! Thank You for being there for me after all these years and for loving me. I can’t wait to get deep in Your word and study more of who You are so that one day, I can share with others on a higher platform of Your love and grace!! You are awesome!!!

Your Daughter!
Kristi

Someday

You can go
You can start all over again
You can try to find a way to make another day go by
You can hide
Hold all your feelings inside
You can try to carry on when all you wanna do is cry

And maybe someday we’ll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now that
Maybe someday we’ll live our lives out loud
We’ll be better off somehow, someday

Now we wait
And try to find another mistake
If you throw it all away then maybe you can change your mind
You can run
And when everything is over and done
You can shine a little light on everything around you
Man it’s good to be someone

And maybe someday we’ll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now that
Maybe someday we’ll live our lives out loud
We’ll be better off somehow, someday

I don’t wanna wait
I just wanna know
I just wanna hear you tell me so
Give it to me straight
Tell it to me slow

‘Cuz maybe someday we’ll figure all this out
We’ll put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to just to feel better now
Maybe someday we’ll live our lives out loud
We’ll be better off somehow, someday

‘Cuz sometimes we don’t really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over, again

‘Cuz sometimes we don’t really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over, again

I Was Here

You will notice me
I'll be leavin' my mark, like initials carved in an old oak tree
you wait and see
maybe I'll write like Twain wrote
maybe I'll paint like Van Gough,
cure the common cold
i don't know but I'm ready to start cuz i know in my heart

I wanna do something that matters
say something different
something that sets the whole world on it's ear
i wanna do somethin better, with the time i've been given
and i wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life
and leave nothin less that something that says i was here

I will prove you wrong
if you think im all talk, your in for a shock
cuz this streams too strong, and before too long
maybe i'll compose symphonies
maybe i'll fight for world peace
cuz i know it's my destiny to leave more that a trace of myself in this
place

I wanna do something that matters
say something different
something that sets the whole world on it's ear
i wanna do somethin better, with the time i've been given
and i wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life
and leave nothin less that something that says i was here

And i know that i, i will do more than just pass through this life
i'll leave nothin less that somethin that says i was here, i was here, i
was here, i was here

Wanna do somethin that matters
somethin that says i was here
wanna do somethin that matters
somethin that says i was here, i was here

"Bring The Rain"

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that
I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings
You glory And I know there'll
be days When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to
praise You Jesus, bring the rain

I am yours regardless of the clouds that may
loom above because you are much greater than
my pain you who made a way for me suffering
your destiny so tell me whats a little rain

[1st Chorus]

Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
is the lord God almighty
is the lord God almighty
I'm forever singing

[2nd Chorus 2x]

everybody singing
Holy holy holy
you are holy
you are holy

[2nd Chorus 2x]

And It Was....

It was a good Christmas! I can't say "great" because, well, the obvious. Daren and I are still not together.

I found myself flipping through last year (2008) Christmas pictures. We stayed home in Tyler as a family. It was wonderful. It was a Christmas I will always cherish!! In 2007, the girls were 4 months old and Megan was admitted Christmas day to the hospital for RSV. So, that was a difficult Christmas.

I don't understand what's going on to be perfectly honest. Idon't know why Daren chose to stay with his mom, her sister, and his cousins, over being with the kids and I at my parents home. I want to understand, but I don't.

Today was no different when I dropped the kids off.

They had been playing in the snow earlier in the day and their coats and shoes were really wet from that. So, I put dry clothes and socks on them and loaded them up to take them to Daren for his four days. I got Ashley out of the car first and made the long trek up to the door and rang the door bell. His Aunt Paula answered the door, realized who it was, then shut it in my face. Classy. If it had just been me, I would think I could understand (or at least tolerate it a little better), but I was holding a child...a two year old none the less.

This all goes in line with my concern towards what they are exposed to as far as attitudes and words spoken in ill will against me when there. It hurts. It's painful to hear your children repeat words that they have heard about you.

I've done all that I can do. I am just heart broken over this.... But, I know that God is my strength. He is the person that will heal this broken heart and restore my soul.

Until then, four days "on", four days "off"...but I don't ever consider time away from them as "off" ~ because they are in my heart 24/7 and on my mind. Not a second goes by that my arms don't long for them to be with me. When they're gone....a part of me is gone with them.

My Babies....

I am getting the kids back today at 4:00!! I know it's not a huge post...but I am so excited I can hardly stand it!! It will be four days of paper, presents, giggles, kisses, hugs, lovin, and sweet Christmas memories!!

Next week, one of my dearest and closest friends, Debe, will be at Broken Bow Lake in Southeastern Oklahoma!!!! I'm so excited to go visit them for a couple of days! Their marriage has been through a lot too. They also, like Daren and I, had been previously married to each other and then got back together and remarried. They are God loving/serving people. Debe was my OB's nurse in Tyler and a continual gift in my life and the life of our children!!! I can't wait to see you Debe!!! I love and miss you all so much!!!!

Christmas pictures later this week!!! I'll try to hold back and publish just the minimum ~ but those of you who know me... know that is difficult for me... so just indulge me.

Merry Christmas to each and every one of you!!! If you would like the Christmas card picture of the kids, leave a comment on this post with your address and I will get them mailed out! Late, I know...but better late then never???

In His Grip!

~ From Our Family To Yours ~ Merry Christmas! ~

Light Your World

Two doors down one rocking chair is rocking
She sits there all alone, her husband dead and gone
The best years of her life they spent together
He was always strong, but now she's on her own
And the telephone never rings
No one laughs, no one sings
It's quiet there
Does anyone care?

(Chorus) Light your world
Let the love of God shine through
In the little things you do
Light your world
And though your light may be
Reaching only two or three
Light your world

A knocking at her door breaks the silence
She looks out to see a little boy from down the street
She cracks the door, surprised that he came over
Flowers in his hand like a little gentleman
He said, 'I picked these just for you
I hope you like the color blue
Could I stay a while
I love to see you smile.'

(Repeat Chorus) Light your world
Let the love of God shine through
In the little things you do
Light your world
And though your light may be
Reaching only two or three
Light your world

It only takes a little time
To show someone how much you care
It only takes a little time
To answer someone's biggest prayer

(Repeat Chorus)

Our Faithful God ~ Billy Graham

The amazing Billy Graham wrote a short note in a book I recently picked up regarding our prayers and God's answers to them ~ excerpt from "God's Love For You ~ Hope & Encouragement For Life" ~

"One of the most frequent questions people ask me concerns unanswered prayers. "God must be deaf," someone bluntly wrote me. "My prayers never get above the ceiling," another wrote. But GOD knows what is best for us, and we need to LEARN to TRUST HIM for the outcome. Sometimes God answers "Yes" when we ask Him for something. But sometimes His answer is "Not Yet", or even "No". And sometimes His answer is simply, "TRUST ME, EVEN IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND".'

"Ruth's father, Dr. Bell, always kept a list of people for whom he was praying. After his death Ruth found one of his prayer lists ("Mostly illegible", she commented; "you know how doctors write") On it was a specific concern about one of our children. Not until five years AFTER his death was that prayer answered ~ a VIVID reminder of God's faithfulness in answering prayer according to HIS TIMETABLE, not ours"

(emphasis in above excerpt is mine)

I have a myriad of stories from my own life's journey where God has indeed answered prayers according to His timetable. When I was 23 weeks along with the twins pregnancy and one of the twins was diagnosed with having a dilated ventricle in her brain and water/blood on her brain ~ we prayed and prayed!! Upon their arrival, which was a heart wrenching 9 weeks early, the situation in her brain increased in severity. While in the NICU in Plano, Texas we were counseled by different therapist on Little "M"'s condition that would more than likely lead to cerebral palsy and her not being able to walk or talk.

Three months after they came home, we returned to Presbyterian Hospital in Plano Texas for a follow up scan on her little brain ~ a long 2 hour drive from where we were living at the time in Tyler. The drive there was painful to my heart. My sweet Little "M" did not respond like her twin to stimulation. She had the "lights out" look on her precious face since birth...a blank stare.




As we drove home, I found myself asking God "Why my baby"? We almost lost her twice in the NICU. Once we were told that we could lose her in the next 24 hours due to Necrotizing Entercolitis ~ a very serious and often deadly condition that preemies get. God answered our prayers and saved her life!!









As we continued our drive home we came upon a HORRIBLE storm. The sky turned black, the winds began to blow, blinding rain and hail the size of golf balls started to pummel the van. Just then the phone rang and it was Dr. Barret, our pediatrician in Tyler. The radiologist had called him with the results. They were amazed almost to the point of questioning if they had scanned the right twin. The dilation in her brain returned to normal and all traces of blood and water had resolved!!! It was/is a miracle.

SEVEN months....SEVEN LONG MONTHS after her diagnosis...God healed her. Today, she is a walking talking running joy filled two year old who seems to know the blessing God bestowed upon her and her precious life.


I want to remind them, as well as myself, that God hears our every prayer. He will carry each and every one of us through the valley. The Lord is our Shepherd!

~ Psalm 23 ~

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for His name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

God loves me. God loves you! We are HIS children. As parents, which one of us would not provide the absolute BEST for our children ~ would we settle to provide for them less? God wouldn't either and though in the valley it can be hard to remember that....together we can encourage each other.

I love each and every one of you!!

In His Grip!!!!

The Life I Planned

The Life I Planned
By ~ Beth Moore~ “Things Pondered”

Has someone seen the life I planned?
It seems to be misplaced
I’ve looked in every corner
It’s lost without a trace.

I’ve found one I don’t recognize
Things missing that were dear.
Promises I’d hoped to keep
And dreams I’d dreamed aren’t here.

Faces I had planned to see
Hands I planned to hold
Now absent from the pictures
Not the way I told.

Has someone seen the life I planned?
Did it get thrown away?
God took my hand from searching
Then I heard Him say

“Child, your ears have never heard
Your eyes have never seen
Eternal plans I have for you
Are more than you could dream.

“You long to walk by sight
But I’m teaching eyes to see.
I know what I am doing
Till then, you must believe.”

He’s done so much, I feel ashamed
To know He heard my moans
To think I’d trade in all He’s done
For plans made on my own.

I wept over His faithfulness
And how He’d proved Himself
How He’d gone beyond my dreams
And said to Him myself,

“No, my ears have never heard
My eyes have never seen
Eternal plans You have for me
Are more than I could dream.

“Yes, I long to walk by sight
But You’re teaching eyes to see
You know what You are doing
Till then I must believe.”

I felt His great compassion
Mercy unrestrained
He let me mourn my losses
And showed to me my gains.

I offered Him my future
And released to Him my past
I traded in my dreams
For a plan He said would last.

I get no glimpse ahead
No certainties at all
Except the presence of the One
Who will not let me fall.

Are you also searching
For a life you planned yourself?
Have you looked in every corner?
Have you checked on every shelf?

Child, your ears have never heard
Your eyes have never seen
Eternal plans He has for you
Are more than you could dream.

Perhaps you long to walk by faith
But He’s teaching eyes to see
He knows what He is doing
Child, step out and believe.


“No eye has seen, nor ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love HIM.” 1 Corinthians 2:9

A Special Week Wtih My Favorite People~

The Birthday Party for Lillian and my little man at Hide-A-Way!!

We appeared to have taken over the back 2/3 of the place!

My Little Man ~ The Birthday Boy!!

I can hardly believe you are 4!!!!

I know it's been a tough year...but always know how much mommy

loves, LOVES, loves, YOU!!!

Let's see....long story...short...

The candles were lit twice....we missed the photo op the first round due to

VERY excited wishing!

Me and the girls!!!

Oh Noel...how my heart was changed the first moment I got to hold you!! I can't believe how precious you are!!! You mean the world to me and I can't wait to have fun!!! I love you precious baby girl!!!

My 4 Precious Nieces!!!!
My Brother ~ Dave (acting...well, like Dave!!! lol) and His PRECIOUS Wife Darcy!!

Their love is an inspiration!!!

Aunt Darcy Reading to The Girls!

Ah!! My Little Tom Boy~!!

My "Big Brother" Dave ~ Noel ~ & Aunt Kristi

We all loaded up for a trip to see Great, Great Aunt Marie ~Nana Joyce (my mother) baked cookies, the girls decorated, we went and sang. Marie has Alzheimer ~ It was like we never even met....
Pure CHAOS!!! All 7 had a ball together!!! (missing those not with us all the while ~ but rejoicing that they are all in Heaven playing together....my 4 and precious Major!)
Dave and Noel

Darcy is my role model and mentor...she is a precious gift in my life and I'm forever thankful for the blessing and continual gift she is to me!!!
Aunt Kristi & Marin!
Ah!!! The excitement of a little one ~ my girls were amazed by Noel!!
ABC Family had a ton of Christmas Classics on.... they all watched in wonder ~ we parents got to breathe!! :0)
Marin, Noel, and my Giggles!!