(The post below is a "comment" I had written to my sister in law's blog posting from earlier today. According to blogger, you can't have more than 4,096 characters in a comment. Oops! So, I am posting it here for her, for you, for whoever crosses this page-by clicking on the title of this entry, you will be taken to her blog...one that you will be blessed to be a follower of - May we as the Body of Christ lavishly love on those whose hurt. Even if we don't have an answer to carry them to the next level, our comfort can come through words of understanding and acceptance of the emotions and heartache we all endure at one time or another....I love you Kathy!)
Kathy,
The words you wrote to express the pain that you too still feel brought an odd sense of comfort to my heart. To see through your words into the window of your heart, brought tears that with few I have been able to share over our loss.
I miss Major too! So much at times, that when the pain gets so intense, I feel like I can't breathe...like someone has knocked the breath right out of me.
Then, my heart aches deeper, knowing that the pain that I feel every day is nothing in proportion to that in which Dave and Darcy feel....and if it is so hard for me, how do they make it through each day?? How do they live with the questions that go on without answer? Oh it hurts so much and as the days, weeks, and months continue to pass, the pain at times seems to only grow deeper. It seems to be harder and harder for me to accept the silence of God to the cry of my heart. To the cry that we all pour out to Him.
I can’t explain (& have found myself in wonder as well) why the church seems to shy away from dealing with grief. Dealing with the tragedy that confronts almost every person that walks upon the earth. As believers, to be equipped with some tools, to have studied how to deal with heartache of these massive depths, would have at least led some in the direction of God’s promises about His true and Holy character vs. left to wonder how he could have allowed this to happen to such a precious life, precious family. I don’t get it and time isn’t the balm that makes all things better. I get tired of people saying that we just need to give it more time. Time to me right now, is time that I spend thinking about Major. I see him every day in the eyes of Megan and Ashley. I hear his giggle in their laughter with Kory. I feel the emptiness that Darcy’s arms still undoubtedly feel.
This is a journey that I don’t think has an end. It is part of our lives forever, and since he can’t be here in person, I’ll hold on to these memories forever. The handful of times that I did get to see him. Talking to Darcy on the phone while all the babies were in the NICU at the same time. The ups, the downs, the milestones marked, and the bumps in the road that brought all three of them home. Kathy, I miss him. I miss him so much.
I have read about 18 books on loss, tragedy, death, restoration, faith, spiritual warfare, God’s silence, and so on. There have been two that I have kept by me almost every place that I go, so that if I have an idle moment, I can stop and try to once again recapture the black and white words written upon those pages. One of them is by Ken Gire, “The North Face of God” and the other is by Matt and Beth Redman “Blessed Be Your Name”. I can’t even begin to tell you the nuggets God has placed in my hands through these books. Nuggets to hold on to.
In Matt and Beth’s book, Chapter 5 spoke to my heart in volumes. It shares within it two letters from families that have endured (and continue to journey) through loss of children. You can feel the heartbeat of pain that accompanies only this type of loss. The loss that goes against the “natural order of life”.
Kathy, you should never question your ability to articulate your feelings in words. What you wrote was touching across the broad scope of valleys that we as a family in Christ walk through. Some of the valleys that we travel are deeper and longer than others, but nonetheless, they are valleys. You have truly touched my heart with your words and I just wanted to thank you for sharing that in which is so personal, so real, so painful and I also wanted you to know that I am with you in your pain. I feel it too…every day and pledge to be there for you in any way that I can…a shoulder to lean on, a person to vent to, a family member that loves you with that love only a family can share. What a blessing it is that Dave married Darcy…and what a blessing that you and your hubby married….I’ve been blessed abundantly by both unions. Sending all of you my love and continual prayers for all that life brings and for that precious little life that you carry.
The words you wrote to express the pain that you too still feel brought an odd sense of comfort to my heart. To see through your words into the window of your heart, brought tears that with few I have been able to share over our loss.
I miss Major too! So much at times, that when the pain gets so intense, I feel like I can't breathe...like someone has knocked the breath right out of me.
Then, my heart aches deeper, knowing that the pain that I feel every day is nothing in proportion to that in which Dave and Darcy feel....and if it is so hard for me, how do they make it through each day?? How do they live with the questions that go on without answer? Oh it hurts so much and as the days, weeks, and months continue to pass, the pain at times seems to only grow deeper. It seems to be harder and harder for me to accept the silence of God to the cry of my heart. To the cry that we all pour out to Him.
I can’t explain (& have found myself in wonder as well) why the church seems to shy away from dealing with grief. Dealing with the tragedy that confronts almost every person that walks upon the earth. As believers, to be equipped with some tools, to have studied how to deal with heartache of these massive depths, would have at least led some in the direction of God’s promises about His true and Holy character vs. left to wonder how he could have allowed this to happen to such a precious life, precious family. I don’t get it and time isn’t the balm that makes all things better. I get tired of people saying that we just need to give it more time. Time to me right now, is time that I spend thinking about Major. I see him every day in the eyes of Megan and Ashley. I hear his giggle in their laughter with Kory. I feel the emptiness that Darcy’s arms still undoubtedly feel.
This is a journey that I don’t think has an end. It is part of our lives forever, and since he can’t be here in person, I’ll hold on to these memories forever. The handful of times that I did get to see him. Talking to Darcy on the phone while all the babies were in the NICU at the same time. The ups, the downs, the milestones marked, and the bumps in the road that brought all three of them home. Kathy, I miss him. I miss him so much.
I have read about 18 books on loss, tragedy, death, restoration, faith, spiritual warfare, God’s silence, and so on. There have been two that I have kept by me almost every place that I go, so that if I have an idle moment, I can stop and try to once again recapture the black and white words written upon those pages. One of them is by Ken Gire, “The North Face of God” and the other is by Matt and Beth Redman “Blessed Be Your Name”. I can’t even begin to tell you the nuggets God has placed in my hands through these books. Nuggets to hold on to.
In Matt and Beth’s book, Chapter 5 spoke to my heart in volumes. It shares within it two letters from families that have endured (and continue to journey) through loss of children. You can feel the heartbeat of pain that accompanies only this type of loss. The loss that goes against the “natural order of life”.
Kathy, you should never question your ability to articulate your feelings in words. What you wrote was touching across the broad scope of valleys that we as a family in Christ walk through. Some of the valleys that we travel are deeper and longer than others, but nonetheless, they are valleys. You have truly touched my heart with your words and I just wanted to thank you for sharing that in which is so personal, so real, so painful and I also wanted you to know that I am with you in your pain. I feel it too…every day and pledge to be there for you in any way that I can…a shoulder to lean on, a person to vent to, a family member that loves you with that love only a family can share. What a blessing it is that Dave married Darcy…and what a blessing that you and your hubby married….I’ve been blessed abundantly by both unions. Sending all of you my love and continual prayers for all that life brings and for that precious little life that you carry.
Much love!!
Kristi
“…the curtain to eternity is…torn back in the midst of tragedy to reveal our Savior.”
Hebrews 4:16
“Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may OBTAIN MERCY and FIND GRACE to help us IN TIME OF NEED.”
“Somehow, this pain, which thunders violently in the very cores of our beings, will be but a mere whisper when compared with the radiance and satisfaction to one day be bestowed upon us. It’s good news from a distant land, the glimmering haze of a bright hope to come. And yet, it is not escapism – for though this hope will be fully unveiled to us on that day, even now we can live in Christ, and He in us. We walk on: sorrowfully, yet always rejoicing; perplexed, but never in despair; at times having nothing, and yet possessing everything.” (Blessed Be Your Name..Matt & Beth Redman)
Hebrews 4:16
“Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may OBTAIN MERCY and FIND GRACE to help us IN TIME OF NEED.”
“Somehow, this pain, which thunders violently in the very cores of our beings, will be but a mere whisper when compared with the radiance and satisfaction to one day be bestowed upon us. It’s good news from a distant land, the glimmering haze of a bright hope to come. And yet, it is not escapism – for though this hope will be fully unveiled to us on that day, even now we can live in Christ, and He in us. We walk on: sorrowfully, yet always rejoicing; perplexed, but never in despair; at times having nothing, and yet possessing everything.” (Blessed Be Your Name..Matt & Beth Redman)
In His Grip~
Metamusic: Sleeping Through The Rain - Matthew Sigmon, Julie Anderson
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1 comment:
Thank you for your kind word sweet lady.
Much love.
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