Joy and sadness.
How can one heart feel so full of both? I don't know, but that is where I find myself. Broken pieces of what "was" glued together to embrace what "is".
JOY!!! My sweet babies come home tomorrow! I can not wait to see them...to tackle them with love and laughter and to fill this house back up with the sounds of their precious voices!!!
SADNESS!!! It is so difficult on the days they aren't here. It's not "life", it's just survival...filling time up with stuff so that the pain of their absence is lessened. So the quiet ~ well, it's just not "quiet".
These past four days have been more difficult. More things in life going on and not really in the direction that I want them to. I'm learning more and more about people and this life around me. Who I can trust and who I can't....and those still in question. I've realized that some people don't take you at your word and honor your feelings...and that hurts. I feel like slowly I'm putting bricks up that are forming a wall around my heart. To me, right now, that's fine. My heart is full and 100% for my babies. I just don't want to become jaded or hardened towards others during this season of life.
When friends betray you, use you for their gain, I feel the hurt in my heart. My life is not a soap-opera...it's not for people to poke fun at and take lightly. I'm at a terribly hurtful place in life right now. A place I didn't ask to be at, but again, find myself standing in wonder at what is taking place. I hate it. I hate it so much!!
I hate the hurt ~ I hate the loneliness ~ I hate the choice that's been made for me to be where I am at.
I have to find a way to embrace this new life. I have to stop the worry about what tomorrow might bring. I have to take the pieces of joy and sadness and hand them over to God so that something truly beautiful comes out of this and trust Him fully that He is in control.
In His Grip~
Monday, February 1, 2010
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Metamusic: Sleeping Through The Rain - Matthew Sigmon, Julie Anderson
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2 comments:
I wish you lived closer. I couldn't take away your pain, but I could lend a good shoulder for you to cry on. It hurts me to see you hurting. I admire your ability to be so open. I don't have that quality and wish I did. I think of you weekly if not daily and pray for you often. Call me if you ever need to talk. Much love, Cheryl Bennett
Kristi, I am sorry that things seem to still not be going in the direction that you had hoped. I cannot imagine your friends poking fun at your life. I would think that your friends would be compassionate toward what you are going through. I know that I have never met you in person, but know that I love you and pray for you. I check your blog out often to see if you have updated. I wish that I could help you, but just know that you are in my prayers! God's love and mine, Shelley
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