Today, I Can't Fight the Pain...

I know that there are people who tire of the pain that beats in my heart every day. They tire of hearing the hurt. I can't apologize any longer for not being able to hold it in. It's something I feel every day.

This precious boy, the only nephew I've known, will forever live in my heart. There is nothing or anything that can take his place.

I feel like a pile of crap for crying on the days I don't have my kids. I shouldn't. They are still here. They still come home to mommy. Major, though in a MUCH MUCH better place, we all, every person in our family, misses him and wants him here. Holiday's aren't the same. Family gatherings aren't the same. Our lives will never be the same.

Major, I miss you. I know you are in heaven, a place far better than the cold of this world. A place where you will never know pain or hurt and for that I am glad. This world can be a terrible place....but if you were here, I know that we would all do everything we could to shelter you from the world. There is so much love in my heart that I never got to give to you. There are so many hugs and kisses that I never got to love you with. AS I look through these pictures that honor your life, I see you in Kory's clothes. Clothes that I held on to so that you could wear them...still to this day, I can't give Kory's clothes away...they remain in a box for no one is precious enough to have them to other than you. It's silly, I know...but I get so much joy from passing these things down to you and your sisters. There isn't enough money in the world to take place of being blessed to give them to you. I love you buddy!! I always will!!!!

I hate today...and no one understands...