Sunday, August 15, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
When you don't have Christ as the center, most marriages suffer a great deal when they could have been thriving and lavishing in the love of Christ. I had to post this on my blog as well. It truly is moving. So many men have sent me notes that this really moved them to tears so I pray that as I post this tonight, it will touch the heart of at least one person or couple who might find themselves struggling to "survive" in marriage.
May God bless you as you read this and may your hearts be changed and inspired! I love you all so much and thank you for the support and encouragement that you have been in my life throughout the years.
In His Grip!
Marriage ~ A Must Read
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into
tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. SO FIND TIME TO BE YOUR SPOUSE'S FRIEND AND DO THOSE LITTLE THINGS FOR EACH OTHER THAT BUILD INTIMACY. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage.
MANY OF LIFE'S FAILURES ARE PEOPLE WHO DID NOT REALIZE HOW CLOSE THEY WERE TO SUCCESS WHEN THEY GAVE UP.
A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.
“So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19:6
For those of you who are contemplating divorce… take a step back and think about the days in your relationship when you both actively pursued one another and you could say you were truly happy… remember when you looked forward to seeing your spouse, spending time with your spouse, and doing things for your spouse that you knew would make them smile… what happened?? When is the last time you did those things?
I CHALLENGE YOU TODAY TO STOP BEING SELFISH AND TOO PRIDEFUL!! HUMBLE YOURSELVES AND START PURSUING YOUR TWO!!!!!! MAKE AN EFFORT TO MAKE EACH OTHER SMILE! YOU WILL BE SURPRISED HOW FAR A SMILE WILL GO!
HOW STRONG ARE YOU.... TOGETHER?? ARE YOU ABLE TO ACCEPT THIS CHALLENGE? I KNOW YOU CAN!!!! GOD KNOWS YOU CAN! IT’S NOT TOO LATE!
Friday, August 6, 2010
My awesome friend Cheryl used to tell me about work that God was doing in her life. "Ah! It's so painful" ... we would talk about how God was revealing to each of us the "not so pretty" things about us and how we were going through a transformation process. I love Cheryl! She's always been so real and transparent. She has been a huge inspiration in my life! I remember the "garden" analogy we used to talk about...how if the weeds in the garden weren't removed, they'd take over the beauty of the garden...how they painfully needed to be weeded out. No one likes to weed a garden or a flower bed...it's grueling at times...but oh!! The beauty that is revealed...
My life's journey with God has been spent with a lot time "weeding" out of my life those things that weren't of Him. Has it always been easy? Oh no!! Some things I would hold on to and fight letting go of. But these days, life has taken a different course. It might sound odd...but I'm all about the pain...if it means I'm growing more into the likeness of Christ. I am FAR FAR from where I'd like to be...but this journey with God, this dance that He and I are in, is beautiful because my heart and mind and spirit are open to everything that He is showing me. I ask Him every day "Lord, reveal to me a clean and pure heart and teach me how to have that".
For a long time...my pursuit and dreams have ended with great heartache. I sought out everything that I wanted and went about my way to get it. My sense of self worth and fulfillment in life was always attached to someone or something. The pressure that it can put on someone to "fill" you is beyond what any human can provide. When we place that kind of pressure on someone, it can suffocate them...we only set them up for failure because not one of us is capable of filling another. God is the only One who can.
My journey away from that way of life is an ongoing one. I still have to remind myself that it is what I am in God's eyes that matters. My identity is not wrapped up in a relationship or in things but in the One who truly loves me beyond all others.
So, with that being said, I began reading a book about restoring relationships. I have realized very early in this book that two important things must exist before any progress can be made in reconciliation of any relationship...marriage, friendship, family relationships, etc....
#1 ~ We must love God above all others.... and #2 ~ We must love ourselves.
I've had it backwards for so long!! I loved others, then God, and rarely, myself. Ouch! In this book there is a "letter" of sorts that is written from the perspective from God talking to us, as His daughters about "Perfect Love".... so, without making this post any longer...I want to share this letter with you....
"My Precious Daughter....
Wait, not until you are first satisfied, fulfilled, and content with being loved by Me can I bring you true love. You see, first you must give yourself totally and unreservedly to Me, discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found. Only then, will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have for you.
You will never be fully united with another until you are united with Me. Exclusive to anyone or anything else, I want you to stop planning, stop wishing and allow Me to bring it to you. You must keep watching and experiencing the satisfaction that I am, expecting Me to do the greatest of things. Most importantly, keep listening and learning the things I show you. Just wait…that’s all!
Don’t be anxious and don’t worry. Don’t look at the things others have received, or that I have given them. You just keep looking at Me, or you’ll miss what I am teaching you. Then, when you are ready, I’ll give you a love far more wonderful than any you will ever dream about.
Most of all, I want you to see in his flesh, a picture of your relationship with Me and enjoy the everlasting union of beauty, perfection, and love that I offer you. “Believe it and be satisfied”
My daughter, until you are ready-I am working even this moment to have you both ready at the same time. Until you are both satisfied and content with me and the life I have prepared for you; you won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me, thus, perfect Love.
Loving You Perfectly,
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
This is a PRECIOUS video that Daren sent me of Ash riding her "big girl bike" for the first time all the way down the street and back. It is so precious!!! I am soooo proud of you Ash!!! Way to go little girl!!!!!! You may be tiny...but someone forgot to tell you that...because there isn't a thing that you don't try and I LOVE the adventurous spirit that you have!!!! Mommy loves you sweet pea!!