Tuesday, June 30, 2009

II Corinthians 12:9

A dear friend of mine in Tyler, sent me this Scripture on FaceBook. The admiration that I have for this wonderful friend is monumental. Her joy is contagious....her love for God so authentic... she's just an all-around wonderful friend....I miss her!! (Thanks Stephanie E.)

2 Corinthians 12:9 (New International Version)

9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Gracious Merciful Lord ~ By; Kristi L. Cole

Gracious, Lord, You are gracious ~ Your love knows no end
Merciful, Lord, You are merciful ~ In You, my heart will mend.

The seasons of life, they can be so trying at times
But Your gracious love lives in this battered heart of mine.

I’m trying Lord, I’m trying so hard to do what’s right
But the opposition is so great, I’ve lost my strength in the fight

There are whispers and stares and lies that are told.
Judgment on my heart that brings a chill so cold.

Gracious, Lord, You are gracious, heal this heart of mine
Merciful, Lord, You are merciful, touch my heart & please give me time.
I praise You God at the foot of the cross
With Your Son in my heart & knowing your loss

Great tears come down, staining my face,
As my mind takes hold of Your endless grace.

In the silence I hear, “My child, I’m here,
Put all trust in Me and put away your fear”.

Gracious, Lord, You are gracious ~ You continue to pour out Your love
Merciful, Lord, You are merciful ~ my faith lies in You above

As I fall on my face and I see Your sweet grace
I feel Your mercy inside and find strength in this place.

You’ve counted my tears that continue to fall
You’ve gently pulled me to stand, so in You I’d stand tall

You’ve never forgotten about me, You’ve always been close
It’s I who have taken my eyes away, and then became lost.

Fill me Lord, fill me today
Of mercy towards others & to walk in Your ways

Please love me Lord, as only You could
And may I realize in You, is where I’ve stood

Regardless of words that are shouted out loud,
Causing pain in my heart, darkening the cloud.

Gracious, Lord, show me how to be gracious
Soften my heart and help me be courteous

Merciful, Lord, teach me to show mercy
So in my actions, it is You that they

Written by: Kristi L. Cole
Date: June 28, 2009
All Rights Reserved/Copy Right Pending

God, to You all my praise is to You! You've given me the gift, the gift to take seasons in my life and be able to write songs and poems that honor You're greatness. You've never forsaken a cry of my heart. There have been many times of silence, seasons where You are quiet to the longing for knowledge to why You've allowed things to happen. I'm trying Lord, trying so hard to learn to rest in the quiet. To take those moments and sit in Your presence until I feel Your touch and my heart is all consumed with Your love. You're patience with me goes beyond that in which any earthly father could withstand....and I thank You for standing by me in our journey...in our dance. I hear the music that we dance to in the voices and pitter pat of my babies feet...in their laughter and giggles. I hear the slower music filled with pain, where You hold me against Your chest and pick me up as a mother would cradle her new born to bring her child comfort. I love you God!! I am so thankful for the Cross....for the ability to fall to my knees and weep in Your presence. Tears of pain and joy. You're there constantly to share in my victories and there to comfort the difficult days. You passion and tenderness is just as real as the air I breath. God, forgive me, forgive me please for trying to handle the last week or so without falling into You. Lord, You alone are all the protection that I need. You've promised in Your word that vengeance is Yours. All You ask is that in my anger, I do not sin. Please forgive my anger that has birthed words spoken out of bitterness and protection for my children, my nieces, and my brother and Darcy. My intentions were right, but I should have spoken in love. Continue to help me express my desires and help those hearts and ears that hear my words to respect that in which I feel are appropriately Scriptural guidelines for our family.

God, there is no way, no way at all, that I would have survived thus far in this journey without Your daily protection, guidance, patience, mercy, and grace. There was a terrible accident here in Norman in the early hours of the morning that claimed the lives of three young adults. Oh Lord, how many nights, many years ago did You protect myself, Daren, Melissa, Kelly, Mike T, and others in the group that we ran with when we made stupid, childish, irresponsible choices. Not only did we put our lives in dangers path, but we could have destroyed, damaged, or broken the hearts of our parents and families. Thank You for Your protection then....and today as our lives have changed for the better and now begin to shape and protect our own children. Mike (Melissa's husband) was called in to work the accident and Melissa ran a call today on the mother of one of the girls that passed away. Place Your hands, Your wings around these families as they embark on every parents worst nightmare. Please Father, please bring people into their lives that can help them find Your comfort ..... The only comfort that truly does bring peace....

God, again, I do love You. Jesus, thank You for living in my heart. Holy Spirit, thank You for being that movement I feel in my heart and may my mind clear to hear and feel You lead me daily.

In His Grip~

When I Say ~ I Am A Christian

When I say... I am a Christian
I'm not shouting I'm clean livin'.
I'm whispering I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven.
When I say... I am a Christian
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say... I am a Christian
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.
When I say... I am a Christian
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.
When I say... I am a Christian
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.
When I say... I am a Christian
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.
When I say... I am a Christian
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!

~Author Unknown

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Please Continue to Pray

Dearest Loved Ones and Friends;

I only have a moment but wanted to humbly ask for your continued prayers regarding my last post. Things continue to escalate and I find myself feeling like I don't belong any place. There is so much more to say and share...I know that so many of you care and honestly, that is what carries me through my days.

This is causing division in my relationship with Daren. I am being pushed out of decision making when it comes to my children, daily schedules, and finances. I feel alone. My only hope is holding on to Jesus...and truthfully speaking...He is, in Himself, enough. My hearts desire is that God would intervene as only he can and protect my marriage. Expose the lies being told. This has now trickled down to affect my relationship with my mother due to a phone call that was made to her. That phone call did not reveal 100% truth & my mom is questioning my heart. I love my mom. We've come through so much in so many years and the thought that other family members are pulling on my side of the family now, leaves me truly feeling abandoned. Please, please friends....lift me up in prayer. I can't express my appreciation for your interceding!!

Love to All!!
In His Grip!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Lost & Broken

Lost in a whirlwind of lies and fabrications. Broken that in a season where I am clinging on to God with all that I have, my relationship with the Lord is being questioned!!

Being a Christian, doesn't mean I'm perfect. It means I long for deep relationship with God. It means that I am lost in this crazy evil world without Him.

My eyes have never been so clearly opened to a group of people who have blatant disregard for pain, for loss, for death in family. I'm hurt, beyond mere words. It's a pain that I never expected to feel during the mourning of Major. (Yes, I STILL hurt....I have a right to, I love him as all my side of the family does!) How can people spew such piercing words? I don't get it. I really don't get it. Then, I am asked to act as if the situation never happened?

I know that in God's Scripture, it tells us that we should forgive...and that if we don't forgive, our Father in Heaven will not forgive us. I have forgiven these cold hearted "haters"... but in that forgiveness, it doesn't mean that the pain is gone...that the words said don't still bring a tear to my eyes and rip my heart open all over again. And it by no means states that I need to continue a relationship with them. I believe with all my heart that there are relationships in life that God allows you to let go of... He allows you peace to end them.

I will not subject myself or my sweet impressionable children to the poison of bitterness, anger, and jealousy that these people wear on their shoulders. I'm not about hurting or protecting people's feelings, I am about striving to grow in Christ (amidst many setbacks that in my own doing have been revealed)... I am about trying to figure out where I stand in my marriage... and I am all, 100%, purely about shepherding the hearts of my children and protecting them from what outside influences I can. These are my priorities right now... along with a few others in finding my place in a church family where I can grow in fellowship.

My grief is MY journey. Stop telling me to move on. Stop telling me to let go. Stop telling me to get over it. Especially those of you whose hateful, heartless words, the day following his death, inflicted such a pain as you did. You accomplished your meaningless goal of finally "getting to me" ... and I hope that this sick pleasure your find in this carries you for a long time. I would hate to see that you would even think of speaking such words ever again.

Broken, you broke my heart. Lost, you left me wondering where God is and how He could allow such evil people to come in touch with me during a time where my footing is slipping and my heart in question.

I will continue to work through my anger towards you. I have forgiven you, but I want to make it clear, my family (my children) will NOT be subjected to your thoughtless words. You can not be trusted!!

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Glenn Beck -The Letter

Glenn Beck - Current Events & Politics - Glenn Beck: The Letter

Shared via AddThis

June 19, 2009

GLENN: I got a letter from a woman in Arizona. She writes an open letter to our nation's leadership: I'm a home grown American citizen, 53, registered Democrat all my life. Before the last presidential election I registered as a Republican because I no longer felt the Democratic Party represents my views or works to pursue issues important to me. Now I no longer feel the Republican Party represents my views or works to pursue issues important to me. The fact is I no longer feel any political party or representative in Washington represents my views or works to pursue the issues important to me. There must be someone. Please tell me who you are. Please stand up and tell me that you are there and that you're willing to fight for our Constitution as it was written. Please stand up now. You might ask yourself what my views and issues are that I would horribly feel so disenfranchised by both major political parties. What kind of nut job am I? Will you please tell me?
Well, these are briefly my views and issues for which I seek representation:
One, illegal immigration. I want you to stop coddling illegal immigrants and secure our borders. Close the underground tunnels. Stop the violence and the trafficking in drugs and people. No amnesty, not again. Been there, done that, no resolution. P.S., I'm not a racist. This isn't to be confused with legal immigration.
Two, the TARP bill, I want it repealed and I want no further funding supplied to it. We told you no, but you did it anyway. I want the remaining unfunded 95% repealed. Freeze, repeal.
Three: Czars, I want the circumvention of our checks and balances stopped immediately. Fire the czars. No more czars. Government officials answer to the process, not to the president. Stop trampling on our Constitution and honor it.
Four, cap and trade. The debate on global warming is not over. There is more to say.
Five, universal healthcare. I will not be rushed into another expensive decision. Don't you dare try to pass this in the middle of the night and then go on break. Slow down!
Six, growing government control. I want states rights and sovereignty fully restored. I want less government in my life, not more. Shrink it down. Mind your own business. You have enough to take care of with your real obligations. Why don't you start there.
Seven, ACORN. I do not want ACORN and its affiliates in charge of our 2010 census. I want them investigated. I also do not want mandatory escrow fees contributed to them every time on every real estate deal that closes. Stop the funding to ACORN and its affiliates pending impartial audits and investigations. I do not trust them with taking the census over with our taxpayer money. I don't trust them with our taxpayer money. Face up to the allegations against them and get it resolved before taxpayers get any more involved with them. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, hello. Stop protecting your political buddies. You work for us, the people. Investigate.
Eight, redistribution of wealth. No, no, no. I work for my money. It is mine. I have always worked for people with more money than I have because they gave me jobs. That is the only redistribution of wealth that I will support. I never got a job from a poor person. Why do you want me to hate my employers? Why ‑‑ what do you have against shareholders making a profit?
Nine, charitable contributions. Although I never got a job from a poor person, I have helped many in need. Charity belongs in our local communities, where we know our needs best and can use our local talent and our local resources. Butt out, please. We want to do it ourselves.
Ten, corporate bailouts. Knock it off. Sink or swim like the rest of us. If there are hard times ahead, we'll be better off just getting into it and letting the strong survive. Quick and painful. Have you ever ripped off a Band‑Aid? We will pull together. Great things happen in America under great hardship. Give us the chance to innovate. We cannot disappoint you more than you have disappointed us.
Eleven, transparency and accountability. How about it? No, really, how about it? Let's have it. Let's say we give the buzzwords a rest and have some straight honest talk. Please try ‑‑ please stop manipulating and trying to appease me with clever wording. I am not the idiot you obviously take me for. Stop sneaking around and meeting in back rooms making deals with your friends. It will only be a prelude to your criminal investigation. Stop hiding things from me.
Twelve, unprecedented quick spending. Stop it now.
Take a breath. Listen to the people. Let's just slow down and get some input from some nonpoliticians on the subject. Stop making everything an emergency. Stop speed reading our bills into law. I am not an activist. I am not a community organizer. Nor am I a terrorist, a militant or a violent person. I am a parent and a grandparent. I work. I'm busy. I'm busy. I am busy, and I am tired. I thought we elected competent people to take care of the business of government so that we could work, raise our families, pay our bills, have a little recreation, complain about taxes, endure our hardships, pursue our personal goals, cut our lawn, wash our cars on the weekends and be responsible contributing members of society and teach our children to be the same all while living in the home of the free and land of the brave.
I entrusted you with upholding the Constitution. I believed in the checks and balances to keep from getting far off course. What happened? You are very far off course. Do you really think I find humor in the hiring of a speed reader to unintelligently ramble all through a bill that you signed into law without knowing what it contained? I do not. It is a mockery of the responsibility I have entrusted to you. It is a slap in the face. I am not laughing at your arrogance. Why is it that I feel as if you would not trust me to make a single decision about my own life and how I would live it but you should expect that I should trust you with the debt that you have laid on all of us and our children. We did not want the TARP bill. We said no. We would repeal it if we could. I am sure that we still cannot. There is such urgency and recklessness in all of the recent spending.
From my perspective, it seems that all of you have gone insane. I also know that I am far from alone in these feelings. Do you honestly feel that your current pursuits have merit to patriotic Americans? We want it to stop. We want to put the brakes on everything that is being rushed by us and forced upon us. We want our voice back. You have forced us to put our lives on hold to straighten out the mess that you are making. We will have to give up our vacations, our time spent with our children, any relaxation time we may have had and money we cannot afford to spend on you to bring our concerns to Washington. Our president often knows all the right buzzword is unsustainable. Well, no kidding. How many tens of thousands of dollars did the focus group cost to come up with that word? We don't want your overpriced words. Stop treating us like we're morons.
We want all of you to stop focusing on your reelection and do the job we want done, not the job you want done or the job your party wants done. You work for us and at this rate I guarantee you not for long because we are coming. We will be heard and we will be represented. You think we're so busy with our lives that we will never come for you? We are the formerly silent majority, all of us who quietly work , pay taxes, obey the law, vote, save money, keep our noses to the grindstone and we are now looking up at you. You have awakened us, the patriotic spirit so strong and so powerful that it had been sleeping too long. You have pushed us too far. Our numbers are great. They may surprise you. For every one of us who will be there, there will be hundreds more that could not come. Unlike you, we have their trust. We will represent them honestly, rest assured. They will be at the polls on voting day to usher you out of office. We have cancelled vacations. We will use our last few dollars saved. We will find the representation among us and a grassroots campaign will flourish. We didn't ask for this fight. But the gloves are coming off. We do not come in violence, but we are angry. You will represent us or you will be replaced with someone who will. There are candidates among us when hewill rise like a Phoenix from the ashes that you have made of our constitution.
Democrat, Republican, independent, libertarian. Understand this. We don't care. Political parties are meaningless to us. Patriotic Americans are willing to do right by us and our Constitution and that is all that matters to us now. We are going to fire all of you who abuse power and seek more. It is not your power. It is ours and we want it back. We entrusted you with it and you abused it. You are dishonorable. You are dishonest. As Americans we are ashamed of you. You have brought shame to us. If you are not representing the wants and needs of your constituency loudly and consistently, in spite of the objections of your party, you will be fired. Did you hear? We no longer care about your political parties. You need to be loyal to us, not to them. Because we will get you fired and they will not save you. If you do or can represent me, my issues, my views, please stand up. Make your identity known. You need to make some noise about it. Speak up. I need to know who you are. If you do not speak up, you will be herded out with the rest of the sheep and we will replace the whole damn congress if need be one by one. We are coming. Are we coming for you? Who do you represent? What do you represent? Listen. Because we are coming. We the people are coming.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

And Here Comes Summer......

Can I say the word "crap" on a blog? Well, I'm gonna (sorry Mom). I feel like crap. The last two days has sucked every part of youth I "might" have had left right out of my body and into the great unknown.

We started swimming lessons on Monday. Yeah, they schedule those things for Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday....four days in a row....for two weeks!! Maybe in my 20's but for PITTY SAKE people! All three of the kids are in the same class...which could be taken as a blessing that we have to go once or a stupid choice to make on my part....going once. Would it have been any easier to do the girls in one class and Kory in another? I don't know. I don't know anything right now other than pure exhaustion.

I've rediscovered muscles that my age had allowed me to forget. I didn't know that when you place a child in the water, that's like throwing gasoline on a fire....it's pure pandemonium!! Add 6 other kids and mothers/fathers and four other classes going on throughout the pool..."water aerobics" (whatever that is), water walking, and I even saw some dude pulling some other guy through the water. If that's the lifeguard class...they better stay close to our corner of the pool for a while!!

The people see us coming...and they part the ways. We come tearing in like a pack of wild dogs, and leave like a pack of terrible two year old children who've been forbidden food for days. (wait...a part of that is almost true). AND THIS IS JUST DAY TWO!!! I'm supposed to do this again for two more days?? Seriously? Seriously. I know I said I was looking forward to being back in Oklahoma so that it would be easier to get out and do things. Looking back, I think a more gradual reintroduction into society would have proven a better (or more sane) approach. We've come full throttle....with all our "glory" tagged along!!

Grandma Gayle...Thank you for taking this on with me!! I could NOT do this without you! The kids would be lost somewhere between here and the YMCA! Ashley especially thanks you (and if she doesn't, I'm going to make her). If you weren't there, I'm not sure the trust would have been there for any of us. She's got a "tie" to her Grandma....lucky you!! (She's the most strong willed child we have....)

So, I've messed with this SmileBox thing for two days and I am done. I am tired...I'm going to get some Motrin, rub on some BioFreeze/Icy Hot/...., put a hot pack on my neck, and ear plugs in my ears. I am clocking out. :0) I'm leaving this to all you 20 something mom's that can still bend down to tie your kids shoes and haven't had to revert to Velcro due to joint degeneration. KC.....OUT!!!

Click to play this Smilebox slideshow: Our 1st Swim Lesson...
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Saturday, June 13, 2009

Norman F1 Tornado ~ June 13, 2009

Whew!! When I say it was a close call, trust me, it was closer than a close call could be without actually being in the path of destruction. It truly was a CLOSE CALL!!

Last night we were sitting on the deck talking, when all of a sudden the lightening came out of no where...I mean, I didn't even see a cloud when the sun was going down and now, the night sky looked like a firecracker, a sparkler, going off.

Normally, I love these storms, but being that we were outside under a huge umbrella and had a ton of pool and outdoor toys to put up, I was a little "nervous". The bolts of lightening that were almost in sync with each boom of roaring thunder increased by the second it seemed as did my "awareness" of the impending storms approach!

After scurrying around to pick up things, we headed inside. The news was on, they had mentioned that our county was under a severe thunderstorm warning. Possibility of large hail, damaging winds, and frequent cloud to ground lightening. Okay...that was all already noted in progress.

I stood at the large picture window that is in the front of my mother-in-law's house facing northwest. I noticed a large black cloud in a large "v" shape and then lighter clouds behind it. This was illuminated more and more with each flash of lightening. I told Daren, "Look at that cloud, it looks like a tornado." Daren thinks my panic over our family safety during severe weather is uncalled for and has been at the epicenter of many of discussions. I pretty much got no response at my "sighting".

No more than 60 seconds later, the phone rang. It was our neighbor whose husband works for a local electrical company. She said that a tornado had been spotted at 24th Ave N.W. and Alameda and that we needed to take cover (get into a closet) ASAP. (the location that she gave is approximately 1 1/2 miles from Gayle's) So, I'm repeating EVERYTHING she is saying and no one is doing anything. So, I get a little "pushy" and demand that the children be moved to the closet in the master bedroom. Whew!! You would have thought I asked for the world to come together as one and be at peace. Daren was anything but pleased at my "barking orders" as he so fondly calls it.

Finally, he gets up, but I don't see where he is headed. He went to the office first to turn the computers off. That was more than I could take...I felt of such little value in comparison to the computers. Seriously...is anyone seeing my point here? There is a tornado...I can see it out the front window and the computer is the first thing that is protected? Again, I hit the roof.

After chasing him out of the office with stomping feet, all the children were gathered from their beds and placed in the master closet that had been just moments before rid of shoes and "crap" that was on the floor. Kory was crying. He kept saying "I wanna go home" "I wanna take a nap". I can understand, the kid was pulled up from the bed that he was deeply asleep in and shoved in a hot closet with his twin sisters and parents who were anything but speaking.

Gayle never entered into the closet. She stayed out to watch the weather. When it had passed us and made its way towards Little Axe, she came and told us all was clear. It was then that the tornado sirens went off. Something happened with the alarm and the sirens didn't sound until most of the damage in Cleveland County was done.

Still, Daren's faith in my sighting of this beast of a storm, remains shaky at best. But I found it. I found the picture that mirrors that in which I was gazing at a few minutes before Marilyn's phone call. (Actually, Melissa found it) The tornado touched down first on her corner in her neighborhood, affecting the houses to her east. The damage that she had was mainly cosmetic damage to our favorite place to hang out on summer nights. Her gazebo!!! (Note evidence picture #1 below)

The neighbor across the street to the Northeast lost almost the entire front of his house along with a large portion of his roof. Not only was this taken away, but he was "given" a trampoline that had been tossed from another yard into his. Nice huh? (Note evidence picture #2...AGAIN, LET ME REMIND YOU THAT MELISSA LIVES LESS THAN A MILE FROM US!!)

So, enough said. There was in fact a small tornado that hit the east side of Norman. The devastation from the Moore tornado in about 1999, is far, far, FAR more substantial than anything that resulted in this small little guy. But, it was enough damage for me to feel good about my demand for "family safety". And, in case you are out there and still have question as to the truth of this, what has now become in our family, urban legend; here is a video of the EXACT THING I SAW OUT THE WINDOW OF GAYLE'S, TAKEN AT EXACTLY THE SAME TIME!!

(You'll have to click on the link because, after over 30 minutes of trying to get the actual video to post directly on this page, I've given up....just click below....sit back in awe!!) :0)


Friday, June 12, 2009

Cervical Epidural Steroid Injection ~ Melanoma Update

Here is an update on the past two weeks as far as medical issues continue to plague my life. Ah!!

While preparing to move to Norman, I had "strained my neck". You know that "crick" you get in your neck that makes any movement next to impossible. Yeah, that was that pain. It continued and flared up again once we got here. I went to see Dr. Harris, one of the orthopedic surgeons I used to work for here in Norman. We did a cervical MRI which revealed a ruptured disc at c5-6 and a disc bulge at C6-7. We made the choice to go conservative with treatment because the thought of more invasive options was too much for me right now.

I saw a pain management physician on Wednesday and he worked me into his Thursday schedule for a Cervical Epidural Steroid Injection into my neck. I was pleased that he worked me in, I didn't feel to waiting another week for relief. Went to Moore Medical Center at 1:00 Wednesday afternoon and was out and on our way back home by 3:30. All in all, it went well. Now, I've had epidurals with both pregnancies, but to have one in my neck made me a little concerned. I slept all of yesterday afternoon, which felt good. Woke up this morning and have a pretty bad headache, but I shouldn't complain. The neck pain is still present, but they said I should start to feel "something" in a few days. I am scheduled for the 2nd injection on the 25th (they schedule three at a time). If I feel no relief after this first injection, we will consider more seriously a more aggressive approach, like surgery. If I feel some relief, any at all, we will go ahead with injection #2. Please pray that I will get relief after this first injection and not have to go through any more.

A week ago Thursday (4th of June) I had three concerning spots removed by a dermatologist friend here in Norman. One came back as a pre-cancer so he is going to freeze that off and we will watch it. The other two came back as melanoma. It didn't show that it was malignant, so he is going to do an excision on those two sights on June 29th. We'll continue to pray that the melanoma is concentrated to those two sights and shows no signs of malignancy. I have deep peace about those two sights.

I had meant to post a few weeks ago, but I just feel tired of always having "problems" and requesting prayer for medical conditions that we continue to face.

Kory had a little trouble being dropped off at school on Wednesday. Daddy had to take him, and when they got there, he cried and said he didn't want to stay. I'm not sure why...but I can relate. I remember not wanting to be left at daycare of church camp...but this was the first of anything of this nature in the three years of his life. Eventually, one of his little friends, Faith, came over to him and brought some cars and told him that they were going to be playing in the sprinklers later that day....and he was fine.

Today though, Friday, he didn't want to go again. I don't know what's going on. I don't know if I should make him go or just roll with this for a few days and see if he feels different on Sunday for church (his school is at the church we are visiting right now). Any suggestions?

The girls are good. They had their version of WWE SmackDown this morning. That in itself isn't such a big deal, it that Megan turned on Ashley. Instead of letting Ashly womp on her, she turned on her and used her weight to sit on her. It was the funniest thing. Meg screaming "I got you! I got you!" and Ashley hollering through her laughter "You too heavy, get off!". it was funny.

Well, I'm outta here for now. Hope everyone is doing well! I'm going to try and post some pictures later today of our first pool adventure of the summer. Oh Ashley....she is going to age me this summer with her "No Fear" mentality. Oh Lord....keep her safe! :0)
Love to all!!
In His Grip!!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Dearest Kathy.....

(The post below is a "comment" I had written to my sister in law's blog posting from earlier today. According to blogger, you can't have more than 4,096 characters in a comment. Oops! So, I am posting it here for her, for you, for whoever crosses this page-by clicking on the title of this entry, you will be taken to her blog...one that you will be blessed to be a follower of - May we as the Body of Christ lavishly love on those whose hurt. Even if we don't have an answer to carry them to the next level, our comfort can come through words of understanding and acceptance of the emotions and heartache we all endure at one time or another....I love you Kathy!)
The words you wrote to express the pain that you too still feel brought an odd sense of comfort to my heart. To see through your words into the window of your heart, brought tears that with few I have been able to share over our loss.

I miss Major too! So much at times, that when the pain gets so intense, I feel like I can't breathe...like someone has knocked the breath right out of me.

Then, my heart aches deeper, knowing that the pain that I feel every day is nothing in proportion to that in which Dave and Darcy feel....and if it is so hard for me, how do they make it through each day?? How do they live with the questions that go on without answer? Oh it hurts so much and as the days, weeks, and months continue to pass, the pain at times seems to only grow deeper. It seems to be harder and harder for me to accept the silence of God to the cry of my heart. To the cry that we all pour out to Him.

I can’t explain (& have found myself in wonder as well) why the church seems to shy away from dealing with grief. Dealing with the tragedy that confronts almost every person that walks upon the earth. As believers, to be equipped with some tools, to have studied how to deal with heartache of these massive depths, would have at least led some in the direction of God’s promises about His true and Holy character vs. left to wonder how he could have allowed this to happen to such a precious life, precious family. I don’t get it and time isn’t the balm that makes all things better. I get tired of people saying that we just need to give it more time. Time to me right now, is time that I spend thinking about Major. I see him every day in the eyes of Megan and Ashley. I hear his giggle in their laughter with Kory. I feel the emptiness that Darcy’s arms still undoubtedly feel.

This is a journey that I don’t think has an end. It is part of our lives forever, and since he can’t be here in person, I’ll hold on to these memories forever. The handful of times that I did get to see him. Talking to Darcy on the phone while all the babies were in the NICU at the same time. The ups, the downs, the milestones marked, and the bumps in the road that brought all three of them home. Kathy, I miss him. I miss him so much.

I have read about 18 books on loss, tragedy, death, restoration, faith, spiritual warfare, God’s silence, and so on. There have been two that I have kept by me almost every place that I go, so that if I have an idle moment, I can stop and try to once again recapture the black and white words written upon those pages. One of them is by Ken Gire, “The North Face of God” and the other is by Matt and Beth Redman “Blessed Be Your Name”. I can’t even begin to tell you the nuggets God has placed in my hands through these books. Nuggets to hold on to.

In Matt and Beth’s book, Chapter 5 spoke to my heart in volumes. It shares within it two letters from families that have endured (and continue to journey) through loss of children. You can feel the heartbeat of pain that accompanies only this type of loss. The loss that goes against the “natural order of life”.

Kathy, you should never question your ability to articulate your feelings in words. What you wrote was touching across the broad scope of valleys that we as a family in Christ walk through. Some of the valleys that we travel are deeper and longer than others, but nonetheless, they are valleys. You have truly touched my heart with your words and I just wanted to thank you for sharing that in which is so personal, so real, so painful and I also wanted you to know that I am with you in your pain. I feel it too…every day and pledge to be there for you in any way that I can…a shoulder to lean on, a person to vent to, a family member that loves you with that love only a family can share. What a blessing it is that Dave married Darcy…and what a blessing that you and your hubby married….I’ve been blessed abundantly by both unions. Sending all of you my love and continual prayers for all that life brings and for that precious little life that you carry.

Much love!!


“…the curtain to eternity is…torn back in the midst of tragedy to reveal our Savior.”

Hebrews 4:16
“Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may OBTAIN MERCY and FIND GRACE to help us IN TIME OF NEED.”

“Somehow, this pain, which thunders violently in the very cores of our beings, will be but a mere whisper when compared with the radiance and satisfaction to one day be bestowed upon us. It’s good news from a distant land, the glimmering haze of a bright hope to come. And yet, it is not escapism – for though this hope will be fully unveiled to us on that day, even now we can live in Christ, and He in us. We walk on: sorrowfully, yet always rejoicing; perplexed, but never in despair; at times having nothing, and yet possessing everything.” (Blessed Be Your Name..Matt & Beth Redman)
In His Grip~

Sunday, June 7, 2009

"Slow Fade"

"Slow Fade"
Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away

People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day

Oh be careful little eyes what see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Where Going Mommy?

Ah.....the sweet sound of discovery....that moment where they realize something for the very first time!! Well, with Kory, he speaks with such enthusiasm every day, all day, that you would think that 90% of that in which he speaks of, is the first and only time he has ever seen it!! (over and over and over...) It's truly sweet though. Even his "I Ludge (love) you momma, I ludge you!" is such a passionate affirmation of his love. Enjoy this video....it is of the car ride, to "school" (summer church program) and all the wonder and amazement discovered as we journey down the same road we've traveled at least a thousand times.....I think we all could use a lesson in the wonder of a child's vision. Enjoy....

In His Grip!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Blessed Be Your Name

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in,
Lord still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in,
Lord still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

**The following is an excerpt from Matt & Beth Redman's Book "Blessed Be Your Name"**

Chapter 5
You Give and Take Away

"Oh that God would bring us to the place that even when the familiar and the comfortable fall away from beneath us, still we are found with an undying song of trust flowing from our lips and from our lives"
(Page 76)
"The last section of the song "Blessed Be Your Name" comes straight from the story of Job.
In what has to be one of the most intense stories in the whole of Scripture, Job is stripped of everything precious to him and suffers much hardship.
Toward the beginning of his ordeal, he finds a way to the place of praise, falling to the ground in worship and crying out:
'The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away.
Blessed be the name of the Lord.' (Job 1:21, NASB)
This resounding line is a challenge for every worshipper.
A call to trust deeply in the sovereignty of God, shaping our lives based not on the temporary things of the earth but on the eternal King of heaven.
For devotion to stand the test of time and endure through every season of the soul, it cannot be based on the ever-changing circumstances of our lives-
it must have its foundation on the never-changing worth of God"
(page 77)
This book and the message spoken through it, has carried me at times through the mourning my heart still feels over the loss of my nephew. This song was sang at his funeral and since then has taken an entirely new and intimate meaning in my life and my walk with God. Not a day goes by where my heart isn't touched by his life and our loss. I still miss him with the same intensity that I did 7 months ago when God had called him home. I've stopped asking God to show me "why" He allowed this to happen. I don't believe that any answer He would give me could make sense to me in my earthly mind. I've started to ask Him for peace to rest in not knowing. All I know to do is to continue to pray for peace. Father, please hold me tight in Your arms so that I can find rest in You. In Jesus Name, Amen.
In His Grip!!

Cell Phone Issues....

Alright, so it's bad enough that my cell phone decided to freeze up last night. It's bad because we don't have a "home" phone right now and our cell phones are our communication and connection to friends, family, and business.

So,this morning, I decided to load Kory up and take him with me on one of our "Special Dates". Time where he and I can do something fun together with out distraction. I love, love, love these moments (though I should do a better job with the quantity of them..but for now, the quality of time we spend together is great). He starts "school" tomorrow, so we were going to head off to look for a backpack, lunch box, etc. We started at Target and everything went well. He didn't want a backpack, he said that his "Car's" backpack that Nana Joyce had given him was the ONE he wanted to use. So, I decided to let him pick something else out in it's place. Now, this is a shocker....he wanted a car!!!! (gasp!!) So, as we headed down the car isle, he honed in on one 3/4 down. It was an orange Ferrari!! That was "The one". Boy, he was one happy kid!!!

Next, we headed to the lunch box area of the store and he held out his little hand and said "No mommy, I don't want a new lunch box, I want to use my McQueen lunch box at home. (Again, one that Nana Joyce had previously given him) I thought wow, this is going to be easy. Then he clicked his little tongue, winks his eye at me, and said "Mommy, I think I should get another car". Yeah, I was on to him. After deep negotiations were accomplished we agreed on getting something under $10 that he and sisters could play with together. He came up with the idea of this wacky sprinkler that sprays water in a million directions (Bonus: On Sale $7.99). Picked up a few other things that were on our list and we were out of there (after a stop, of course, for popcorn and an icee.... he's a pretty cheap date so far....)

The AT&T store was just down the shopping center so, we headed that way. After 45 minutes in the store with them trying to fix my phone in every way that they knew how, it was determined that I would need to get it replaced. I was given two options: #1 Go to the "authorized" warranty replacement store up on North May and Memorial (about 45 minutes from here) or #2 Call the 1-800 number and have a new phone in two days. I decided choice #2 would be the most convenient.

We got home after a few more stops. The twins and Kory both went right down for naps (What a blessing!!) I got on the phone, expecting the call to be quick without any complications. First mistake~expecting a quick call. 40 minutes later, and four transfers later, I arrived at the destination where I had started. Go figure. So, blah, blah, blah....I explained the story for the 4th time to this tiny voice on the other end of the line. She said okay, I need to transfer you to our "High End" warranty department. "Wooo Woo Wooo, don't transfer me, I've been there twice and I've been sent to you to fix the problem and I would be so appreciative if you could just take care of this for me." She asks me to hold for "10 seconds", which turned out to be 3 minutes. Another new "customer service specialist" answered with their normal "greeting". My reply, "Are you serious? I have to tell this story all over again for the 5th time????" The guy replies, "Yeah" as if I am doing HIM a favor. I explained my deepest frustrations over this and proceeded to start my story. Half way through, he interrupts me and says "So you want your phone replaced?" Now, I'm trying to keep my cool and not say something completely rude...so gritting my teeth, I said "Yes, please". He began to ramble again about the terms of conditions on a replacement phone and then told me that a refurbished phone would be sent to me within the next two days. I said "I don't want a broken phone that has been fixed. I bought this phone in January, it's still under the one year warranty and I also have insurance on it. If I bought a new phone and it's broken because of some sort of technical issue and NOT the fact that I dropped it in the toilet or threw it at Daren from across the room, I wanted a new phone. I bought a new phone and you are going to replace it with a new phone." His reply..."No I'm not" ~ I asked for a supervisor and he kept saying she's gonna tell you the same thing, we don't have new phones here at the warranty call center, just "refurbished" phones. I proceeded to use one of my great analogies to explain to him how idiotic that thinking was. He said, again "So, do you want a phone or not?" So...out of complete frustration and diminishing available time to be on such a pointless phone call, I agreed. I told him though, "If I get this fixed phone and it breaks, you are going to have to figure a way out to get me a new phone." His end of the line was silent. Long story...(I know, again) short...I have a Palm Centro phone, they are going to "express mail" me a new one (for a fee of $12.95 that will show up on my next bill) and I will send my broken phone in.

Now, my beef with this entire issue, is that it just doesn't seem right to me. Here, you buy something, get a warranty on it as well as insurance to cover your rear, then if something happens to it, you have to jump through 10 hoops to get a response, but you don't get a new replacement, we'll send you one that has been broken that we have fixed. Along with that, you get no customer service, and you still have to pay extra to get it shipped to you, when I would think that the insurance and warranty payment you make every month would cover that. (Shipping is free but they can only say it will be here within the next 10 to 14 business days... no can do)

Now, since I've vented my frustration to the world, realizing that there may not be a single person who reads this, I feel somewhat better. My jaw has began to relax and the throbbing in my head, due to my blood pressure increasing, has subsided. Why did I let myself get so worked up? I have no idea, but I did. Did they find delight in my agreement to their terms and the fact that I lost this battle with them? Probably. So, that's it...that is what this is all about. And now, I am going to go, shut my brain down (as Melissa tells me frequently to do), and have a Dr. Pepper....who knows, I might even close my eyes, but I dare not take both feet off the floor, someone would surely wake up.....

Monday, June 1, 2009

A Reminder to Myself....


20; I will remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. 21 Yet this I call to mind therefore I have hope:
22 That because of the Lords great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him".

There are times I have to remind myself of the promises God reveals about Himself through scripture. The promises of His character that are true, pure, and holy. Faithful, loving, compassionate. The list goes on. I have to remain with my grip tightly held on to hope in Him and rememberance that He alone is my portion, all that I need, and that in my waiting for Him I will have all that I need for that very moment.

Like I said, I have to remind myself of these promises. When I don't see things with my physical eyes materializing before me, when I question why things happen to us or those we love, and when the fears of this world and the direction it is headed cloud my mind, I have to hit the delete button. Rid myself of all the clutter and focus on His great faithfulness.

According to John MacArthur's Study Bible, he states that; *The bedrock of faith is the reality that God keeps all His promises according to His truthful faithful character.*

Our Country Today

I’m sitting here today trying to figure out,
Why my head is spinning and filling with doubt.

There seems to be tension flowing in the air
It’s only getting worse as we tumble to despair.

The news as we watch it has nothing to say,
But segments that tell a sad story each day.

One more life lost, another on the verge,
Another corporation to government, we see merge.

The pointing of the finger seems to some justified,
Blaming someone else for our issues, yet continues to lie.

Sure there are mistakes that everyone makes,
None of us are perfect for heaven’s sake.

Speaking of heaven, where has our faith gone?
Have we strayed from our morals? Where do we belong?

Have we taken our Heavenly Father out of our lives?
Because His word doesn’t fit what we chose to decide?

What has this come to, and why is there compromise?
Stories twisted, hearts broken, when will we realize?

The signs they are everywhere, it won’t be too long
Until the Savior returns, we must remain strong.

Our country was founded on faith in One God,
But over the years it seems to some, that it be odd.

They say we can’t force a faith from our hearts,
It’s up to the individual as to what he takes part.

But back in the year the Constitution was written,
It was written by the founding fathers, and they were Christians.

So, why is it now the moral line gets so thick?
We twist our stories & lies and try to pull tricks.

What’s fair for one isn’t good for another,
It’s in what we feel justified, we push on others.

If only our country would return & put God first,
“In God We Trust”, would not seem so cursed.

They’ve tried for years to take Him out of our lives,
No prayer in our schools, only outside.

If you look over history the pattern appears,
Of death and destruction as we make God disappear.

In Him there is light and clear direction to all,
It’s up to you to stand up and head His call.

Written By:
Kristi Cole
June 1, 2009