"He won't brush aside...."

"He won't brush aside the bruised and the hurt and He won't disregard the small and insignificant, but He'll steadily and firmly set things right. He won't tire out and quit. he won't be stopped until He finished His work ~ to set things right on earth"

Isaiah 42:3-4

Silently I pray.

Daily.

Numerous times a day.

Some days all I can do is pray. For life right now is difficult, as many of you know. But running across this Scripture today was a special gift from God that spoke directly to my heart...."He WON'T brush aside the bruised and the hurt and He WON'T disregard the small and insignificant...." That was all I needed to know for this moment ~ for this day.

He won't leave me or forsake me.

Thank You Lord that You are always there, even when I don't "feel" it. Scripture like this make me aware that You are closer to me than what my earthly mind can comprehend....Thank You!

We've Got Cows!

There are few of you that just know me that will find the validity of this story to be somewhat in question. But, then there are those of you that "know me, know me" and realize that something of this nature would only happen to me.

Monday, November 23, 2009. I've just dropped the girls off at my parents house in South Oklahoma City. My mom watches them on Monday's while Daren and I continue to seek marital counseling in Edmond, which again is North of Oklahoma City.

I'm heading North, minding my own business...decompressing from the hectic morning of getting out the door. Oh wait. It's noon. Did it really take all morning? Well, it felt like it anyway. On to the story.

I'm minding my own business,cruising along in the far left lane (that's where I choose to travel due to the tendency that people seem to lolly gag in any other lane and I am a mom on a mission with little time in my schedule for anyone under the speed limit at all.) In the far right lane there is a truck pulling a cattle trailer. (not a semi, just a regular truck) I notice out of the side of my vision, that something is moving. I look over that way and the trailer attached to the truck is swaying back and forth behind the truck in a crazy way. So, cautiously with my hands at 10 and 2, I watch to see what in the world is going on. Then, out pops a cow. (not a full grown cow, but not a calf, probably about a teenager in cow years ~ Whatever that is) He's not entirely out. Just his front paws, I mean legs and his head. I can see him trying to kick his feet that are still in the trailor.

I, who am about 6 car lengths behind the truck at least, and three lanes over start to try yelling at the dude that his cow is about to "hit the road", literally. As if the guy is going to hear me. I see the guy start to hit his breaks, but Bessie has already successfully removed herself from the moving vehicle and has now, really hit the road.

See, there are some things too strange and crazy that only happen to Kristi. There are a handful of people that will shake there heads while reading this and not question at all that this happened. Melissa, Shawna, Debe, Peggy, Mary, Ruby, Barbara. I just always happen upon the most odd situations.

Now, instead of going to therapy for coping skills in marriage, I was dealing with Bessie and why she decided to jump. That, I will never know. And, that is okay with me. So, I share this moment of silence for Bessie....

P.S. Daren didn't make it to our appointment yesterday due to a migraine, so last night when I was telling him this story...He said " Oh.....right" (like "whatever....there is no way a cow jumped out the back of a trailor!")

A Sweet Memory

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Thank You Jan!

I have another mother in law. I don't know why I haven't talked much about her. She is the quiet strength of the other side of Daren's family.

She has strength, beauty, and a loving heart. I was going through the twins keep sake box tonight and found an email that she sent to me in October 2007. It flooded my eyes with tears. I have now placed it on the door in my room here at Melissa's. I want to share with you a part that she wrote. Her loving words warmed my heart as if she was standing here holding me. I love you Jan. I love Clay (Daren's Dad) and Julie too. (Daren's sister).

Here is a small preview in the days that preceeded this event...You can always count on us for an amazing story of God's faithfulness!!

The phone rang and it was Daren's co-worker and dear friend Lee. His first words were "Kristi, Daren is in the ambulance. He is fine, but he has had a head injury". I feel to the floor as horrid thoughts of terror captured my mind and everything became dark. My emotions drove me to sobs. He went on to to say that a metal post "digger" he was using fell on his head and he passed out and that there was a cut on his head and blood. Lee is an amazing friend of ours and his kind patience with me as I cried and screamed and literally fell apart. I was struck with a thought that I might lose the man that I love. How would I raise our babies alone ~ he is such a huge partner in parenting!!

Since my mom was with me, I called Daren's Dad Clay and step mom Jan. Concern struck both of them to the degree that it did me. See, Daren's brother Robbie died in a car accident some years ago. I know their fear was that they were about to walk down that same road again and that thought can paralyze you.

Jan's email in the days following reads as follows: (thank you Jan)

So it's time for a grandma Cole story. I don't know if you ever met her but if you did, it was towards the end so you didn't get the full effect, but she was one of the strongest women that ever lived. she was extremely honest, forthright, and spoke her mind about things. Nobody or nothing could bet the best of her. She plowed through life with practicality and great spirit. She endured the depression, loss of employment, nursing parents and relatives through final illnesses, loss of a spouse and still had a vital spirit. She was a career woman when it wasn't the thing to do, she never expected to marry and married late in life when it was fashionable and became first time mother at the tender age of 44. She worked hard her entire life -even mowing her own lawn at age 90 in spite of our fussing at her. I'm telling you this because you'll be a Grandma Cole too someday. And tough times like you've faced and are facing will become a part of the family legend. I've been quite sure that it's been your tenacious spirit that got the girls here safely (Jan is the ONLY one who has said that and I hold it in my heart forever~Thank you Jan). And we'll look forward to their first birthday, their first day of school, their first loose tooth and their first prom dress! Kory will become pretty protective of them as he gets older. (Although I'm sure he will complain plenty along the way) I plan to be there when all three graduate college and move out into the world on their own. And we'll talk about what sacrifices you and Daren made to ensure their safe arrival and their bumpy beginning. And be grateful that those days are behind us. Your children will draw strength from those stories for times when they are struggling. And your strength today will inspire their strength int he future. It really does work that way! So hand in there! We're behind you all the way. You're doing a great job handling all that life has thrown at you.don't ever hesitate to call-I may act like a flake on the phone but I'll be listening with my ears and my heart.

Jan

I can't believe that after two years, I found this in their box. There were several others in their from her that flowed with great love and encouragement. Jan, I promised you a few years back, that I wouldn't put our children through a divorce. I remember the email but I can't find it. I know you were concerned because a child that you knew was going through that in his life and you saw the pain he lived and didn't want your grandchildren to go through that. I am not giving up. I am fighting for The Cole family ~ there is a great legacy to leave behind, but that legacy contains stories of the five of us and the three of you and Gayle as well.

Jan, you speak of Grandma Cole's great strength. I agree she endured great suffering and resistance. You though, I believe in my heart you are the strongest in our family and your legacy will always be the one of endurance through pain, loss, and very hard times. You not only are an amazing mother, you are an amazing woman whose strength I will always draw from. Thank you Jan for who you are in my life and in Daren's and the kids. I love you all so much ~ I'm keeping my promise. This will all turn out as God's plan!! We will talk soon!

~ "Be Still" ~ STORYSIDE:B ~

"Be Still". I am sooooo not good at being still. My friend Shawna says that she has seen me sit for more than 30 minutes ONE time in our 15 year friendship. Melissa, my best friend, almost has to force me to sit still.

Especially right now. Being still doesn't seem to be "productive" ... it doesn't seem to materialize anything into being. For example ~ getting our family back together under one roof. My friend on Facebook, David, brought something to my attention today (thank you David) that I do need to keep into perspective. Daren is in his "cave" right now. Men and women think and respond differently. Daren and I are no different. Daren is the silent one and I am the talker. (I know, hard to believe...ha ha...but true).

So today, my prayer is that I find peace and time to "Be Still" and know that God is near. To trust in Him during this season of unrest. And I pray that the skills we are learning in counseling will be easy to tap into when things get a little tense. The breathing skill is NOT easy to learn and apply naturally at the old age of 37. I want to teach my kids to breathe when things they get stressed so that it's not such an effort for them to regulate their thoughts and return to a calm state.

So, now is where I talk to Daren; Daren, I give you today, and any day that you need, to be in your "cave" and do the things that bring you joy and clarity so that when it comes to us, there is joy and anticipation of being together. I'm so sorry if I've pushed. There is a notion I am feeling in my heart from God that there is urgency to become united and that verse that a "house divided cannot stand" keeps running through my mind. I love you. I am here. I will wait and I will love you through every day that is to come. I'm just ready to hold nothing back in loving our family and finding our joy again in the simple blessings that God has given us that maybe we have taken for granted at times. I ask for your grace towards me as I continue to seek God in becoming the wife He would have me be for you. I ask for mercy for the days I fall short. I'm trying ~ with all that is crazy around us ~ every day I get up and try my best. I love you so much! (This song is for you as well babe!) Enjoy your Saturday and hopefully I'll see you at church tomorrow!

In His Grip~

An Update On Our Journey ~ Cole "Style"

Ah!! Another long Monday. A good Monday, but long. Monday's are our counseling in Edmond (about 45 minutes from Norman). I go at 1:00 by myself. Daren meets me there at 4:00 where we are watching a DVD series called "Beyond Consequences" (www.beyondconsequences.com) for an hour. It's a great teaching tool for parents, BUT what is even greater is that the principles you learn about people in general encourage you to view relationships so different, and in my opinion, a better way. Anyway, I love it! Then we have counseling as a couple from 5:00 - 6:00. So, I'm running 100 mph from sunrise to sunset, which I do gladly for the sake of our marriage.

The days do get long though. I enjoy the break between my appointment and when Daren meets me there. It gives me a chance to find a quiet place/or park to "chew" on what she has shared with me. And then shift my thinking towards "us". Kathy is amazing!! She is patient and compassionate and loves us like I can't explain. Her office is such a safe place where sifting through emotions feels comfortable, where at other times in other offices, it didn't.

Right now I am working on some difficult things to process, but easy at the same time. I can see areas of falling short and where that has triggered negative thoughts or behavior in myself or in others. That to me is the easy part. It takes a conscience effort on my part to "re-wire" the thinking in my brain. God has been so faithful though and has blessed me with strength I didn't know I had to truly accomplish this through Him. None of us "like" to find the negative things about us, but being open to them to better your life and that of your family and marriage, makes it "do-able" and exciting at the same time. And sooooooo worth it!! I feel so sorry for those that are stuck in life, miserable & angry in everything and with everyone. I was there for soooo long and am just now stepping out to see the world in a new light.

THE STRESS MODEL (http://www.postinstitute.com/)

I have to share this "stress model" that we have been learning about over the past few weeks. It's amazingly simple that we make it difficult. (that might not make sense ~ I'm trying to say that we tend to think that in order for something to change or work, it has to accompany some difficult procedure or process)

* This simple formula is routinely applied to the most complex cases and situations for new insight and understanding*

~The Stress Model contends: All behavior arises from stress, and between the behavior and stress lie our two primary emotions ~ Love and Fear. It is through understanding our own emotional experience and that of others that we can calm the stress, which will result in diminishing the behavior.

~Only LOVING FEELINGS AND BEHAVIORS WILL ARISE FROM THE EMOTION OF LOVE; such as joy, happiness, reciprocity, empathy, conscience, morality, responsibility, and the ability to deeply understand the experience of others.

~Only FEAR-BASED FEELINGS AND BEHAVIORS WILL ARISE FROM THE EMOTION OF FEAR; such are anger, terror, rage, and aggression. We MUST understand that at the deepest core of these strong feelings, it is the PRESENCE OF FEAR that is driving the behavior RATHER THAN THE ANGER.

~Our PERCEPTION OF ANGER in others creates a FEAR REACTION within us which rapidly transforms to anger. When this occurs we are UNABLE TO TRULY SEE THE FEAR EXPERIENCE IN ANOTHER!

With that being said, Daren and I have learned that our behavior or actions are dictating at all times the love or fear based emotion that has transpired as a result of stress. None of us can totally avoid stress. It's a part of our daily lives. But, stress, we have learned, doesn't have to be a bad thing. It's what you "do" with the stress that matters the most.

There are people in our lives right now who seem to thrive on stress, fear, and the negative behavior that results in that. It makes you look at them in a different light. Stress when not regulated leads to dysregulation. It changes our perspective ~ It clouds your thinking, keeps you from relationship, you live in a state of anger. That's a terrible place to find ourselves, but, when openly and honestly we face the fact that "dysregulated" is where we are, there are ways to move back to a regulated state (the calm in your heart that is within your window of tolerance~it's different for all of us)

He goes on to say that there are three things you can do when you find yourself with scattered irrational thoughts, anger, resentment, hurt, and others alike. It's so simple!

1) Just knowing that you are currently dysregulated makes you mindful. Awareness of it.

2) Breathe! 4-7-8 method; Inhale for 4 seconds through your nose, hold it for 7 seconds, and exhale through your mouth for 8 seconds. Do this three times and you will begin to "feel" the shift back into "a more clear thinking".

3) Ask yourself "Honestly, why am I so stressed" (what is causing it, what is this really about) Putting it into perspective in the large scheme of life. If it's something that really stresses you and you can't regulate yourself with prayer and repetition to God, then seek Godly counsel. There is so much help out there and so many resources to draw from.

God longs that none of His children live in fear. Perfect love cast out fear. That which is not love, is fear.

So, as I rap this "post" up, I just want to say that this life is a journey. There will always be days that are less than perfect and people in our lives that are less than perfect, but I've found it's in the reaction to those days and people that can dictate so much of our lives when allowed.

I love my husband. I am thankful for the amazing, loving, affectionate, and involved Daddy that he is to our three blessings! I am thankful that though things are tough right now, he has dedicated this time to strengthening our marriage and not allowing it to fall apart. He is committed to this marriage ~ and the fact that he shares this with me has given me the freedom to feel safe in digging deep to the root of all of our issues (and my own personal issues) knowing that I have the promise of his love for a lifetime every step of the way! Thanks for sticking with me in the trenches~The view from the other side, I have a feeling it's going to be amazing!

I am thankful for all the love, prayers, and support that our friends and family has shown us. It's that hedge of protection that you have prayed over us that has kept the enemy from winning and to me, there is no "thank you" suitable to express in words. It's more than appreciated. The Scriptures, the FB notes, the emails, text messages, and phone calls...priceless and appreciated deeply!!

So, here we are. On our journey. Fighting for what is right and what is truth. I love you Daren. Thank you for standing with me and seeing this through. I can't tell you how much you are loved. I pray that through our struggle, we can help one couple, or one person, avoid the "long way around" through mistakes ~ and point them through to the Truth! Hugs and kisses and all my love babe!

In His Grip~

THE PICTURE BELOW IS REAL LIFE...But, if it was perfect...what else would we strive for that really matters????