Tuesday, December 29, 2009

"Bring The Rain"

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that
I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings
You glory And I know there'll
be days When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to
praise You Jesus, bring the rain

I am yours regardless of the clouds that may
loom above because you are much greater than
my pain
you who made a way for me suffering
your destiny so tell me whats a little rain

[1st Chorus]

Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
is the lord God almighty
is the lord God almighty
I'm forever singing

[2nd Chorus 2x]

everybody singing
Holy holy holy
you are holy
you are holy

[2nd Chorus 2x]

Sunday, December 27, 2009

And It Was....

It was a good Christmas! I can't say "great" because, well, the obvious. Daren and I are still not together.

I found myself flipping through last year (2008) Christmas pictures. We stayed home in Tyler as a family. It was wonderful. It was a Christmas I will always cherish!! In 2007, the girls were 4 months old and Megan was admitted Christmas day to the hospital for RSV. So, that was a difficult Christmas.

I don't understand what's going on to be perfectly honest. Idon't know why Daren chose to stay with his mom, her sister, and his cousins, over being with the kids and I at my parents home. I want to understand, but I don't.

Today was no different when I dropped the kids off.

They had been playing in the snow earlier in the day and their coats and shoes were really wet from that. So, I put dry clothes and socks on them and loaded them up to take them to Daren for his four days. I got Ashley out of the car first and made the long trek up to the door and rang the door bell. His Aunt Paula answered the door, realized who it was, then shut it in my face. Classy. If it had just been me, I would think I could understand (or at least tolerate it a little better), but I was holding a child...a two year old none the less.

This all goes in line with my concern towards what they are exposed to as far as attitudes and words spoken in ill will against me when there. It hurts. It's painful to hear your children repeat words that they have heard about you.

I've done all that I can do. I am just heart broken over this.... But, I know that God is my strength. He is the person that will heal this broken heart and restore my soul.

Until then, four days "on", four days "off"...but I don't ever consider time away from them as "off" ~ because they are in my heart 24/7 and on my mind. Not a second goes by that my arms don't long for them to be with me. When they're gone....a part of me is gone with them.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

My Babies....

I am getting the kids back today at 4:00!! I know it's not a huge post...but I am so excited I can hardly stand it!! It will be four days of paper, presents, giggles, kisses, hugs, lovin, and sweet Christmas memories!!

Next week, one of my dearest and closest friends, Debe, will be at Broken Bow Lake in Southeastern Oklahoma!!!! I'm so excited to go visit them for a couple of days! Their marriage has been through a lot too. They also, like Daren and I, had been previously married to each other and then got back together and remarried. They are God loving/serving people. Debe was my OB's nurse in Tyler and a continual gift in my life and the life of our children!!! I can't wait to see you Debe!!! I love and miss you all so much!!!!

Christmas pictures later this week!!! I'll try to hold back and publish just the minimum ~ but those of you who know me... know that is difficult for me... so just indulge me.

Merry Christmas to each and every one of you!!! If you would like the Christmas card picture of the kids, leave a comment on this post with your address and I will get them mailed out! Late, I know...but better late then never???

In His Grip!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

~ From Our Family To Yours ~ Merry Christmas! ~

Light Your World

Two doors down one rocking chair is rocking
She sits there all alone, her husband dead and gone
The best years of her life they spent together
He was always strong, but now she's on her own
And the telephone never rings
No one laughs, no one sings
It's quiet there
Does anyone care?

(Chorus) Light your world
Let the love of God shine through
In the little things you do
Light your world
And though your light may be
Reaching only two or three
Light your world

A knocking at her door breaks the silence
She looks out to see a little boy from down the street
She cracks the door, surprised that he came over
Flowers in his hand like a little gentleman
He said, 'I picked these just for you
I hope you like the color blue
Could I stay a while
I love to see you smile.'

(Repeat Chorus) Light your world
Let the love of God shine through
In the little things you do
Light your world
And though your light may be
Reaching only two or three
Light your world

It only takes a little time
To show someone how much you care
It only takes a little time
To answer someone's biggest prayer

(Repeat Chorus)

Our Faithful God ~ Billy Graham

The amazing Billy Graham wrote a short note in a book I recently picked up regarding our prayers and God's answers to them ~ excerpt from "God's Love For You ~ Hope & Encouragement For Life" ~

"One of the most frequent questions people ask me concerns unanswered prayers. "God must be deaf," someone bluntly wrote me. "My prayers never get above the ceiling," another wrote. But GOD knows what is best for us, and we need to LEARN to TRUST HIM for the outcome. Sometimes God answers "Yes" when we ask Him for something. But sometimes His answer is "Not Yet", or even "No". And sometimes His answer is simply, "TRUST ME, EVEN IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND".'

"Ruth's father, Dr. Bell, always kept a list of people for whom he was praying. After his death Ruth found one of his prayer lists ("Mostly illegible", she commented; "you know how doctors write") On it was a specific concern about one of our children. Not until five years AFTER his death was that prayer answered ~ a VIVID reminder of God's faithfulness in answering prayer according to HIS TIMETABLE, not ours"

(emphasis in above excerpt is mine)

I have a myriad of stories from my own life's journey where God has indeed answered prayers according to His timetable. When I was 23 weeks along with the twins pregnancy and one of the twins was diagnosed with having a dilated ventricle in her brain and water/blood on her brain ~ we prayed and prayed!! Upon their arrival, which was a heart wrenching 9 weeks early, the situation in her brain increased in severity. While in the NICU in Plano, Texas we were counseled by different therapist on Little "M"'s condition that would more than likely lead to cerebral palsy and her not being able to walk or talk.

Three months after they came home, we returned to Presbyterian Hospital in Plano Texas for a follow up scan on her little brain ~ a long 2 hour drive from where we were living at the time in Tyler. The drive there was painful to my heart. My sweet Little "M" did not respond like her twin to stimulation. She had the "lights out" look on her precious face since birth...a blank stare.

As we drove home, I found myself asking God "Why my baby"? We almost lost her twice in the NICU. Once we were told that we could lose her in the next 24 hours due to Necrotizing Entercolitis ~ a very serious and often deadly condition that preemies get. God answered our prayers and saved her life!!

As we continued our drive home we came upon a HORRIBLE storm. The sky turned black, the winds began to blow, blinding rain and hail the size of golf balls started to pummel the van. Just then the phone rang and it was Dr. Barret, our pediatrician in Tyler. The radiologist had called him with the results. They were amazed almost to the point of questioning if they had scanned the right twin. The dilation in her brain returned to normal and all traces of blood and water had resolved!!! It was/is a miracle.

SEVEN months....SEVEN LONG MONTHS after her diagnosis...God healed her. Today, she is a walking talking running joy filled two year old who seems to know the blessing God bestowed upon her and her precious life.

I want to remind them, as well as myself, that God hears our every prayer. He will carry each and every one of us through the valley. The Lord is our Shepherd!

~ Psalm 23 ~

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for His name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD

God loves me. God loves you! We are HIS children. As parents, which one of us would not provide the absolute BEST for our children ~ would we settle to provide for them less? God wouldn't either and though in the valley it can be hard to remember that....together we can encourage each other.

I love each and every one of you!!

In His Grip!!!!

Monday, December 21, 2009

The Life I Planned

The Life I Planned
By ~ Beth Moore~ “Things Pondered”

Has someone seen the life I planned?
It seems to be misplaced
I’ve looked in every corner
It’s lost without a trace.

I’ve found one I don’t recognize
Things missing that were dear.
Promises I’d hoped to keep
And dreams I’d dreamed aren’t here.

Faces I had planned to see
Hands I planned to hold
Now absent from the pictures
Not the way I told.

Has someone seen the life I planned?
Did it get thrown away?
God took my hand from searching
Then I heard Him say

“Child, your ears have never heard
Your eyes have never seen
Eternal plans I have for you
Are more than you could dream.

“You long to walk by sight
But I’m teaching eyes to see.
I know what I am doing
Till then, you must believe.”

He’s done so much, I feel ashamed
To know He heard my moans
To think I’d trade in all He’s done
For plans made on my own.

I wept over His faithfulness
And how He’d proved Himself
How He’d gone beyond my dreams
And said to Him myself,

“No, my ears have never heard
My eyes have never seen
Eternal plans You have for me
Are more than I could dream.

“Yes, I long to walk by sight
But You’re teaching eyes to see
You know what You are doing
Till then I must believe.”

I felt His great compassion
Mercy unrestrained
He let me mourn my losses
And showed to me my gains.

I offered Him my future
And released to Him my past
I traded in my dreams
For a plan He said would last.

I get no glimpse ahead
No certainties at all
Except the presence of the One
Who will not let me fall.

Are you also searching
For a life you planned yourself?
Have you looked in every corner?
Have you checked on every shelf?

Child, your ears have never heard
Your eyes have never seen
Eternal plans He has for you
Are more than you could dream.

Perhaps you long to walk by faith
But He’s teaching eyes to see
He knows what He is doing
Child, step out and believe.

“No eye has seen, nor ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love HIM.” 1 Corinthians 2:9

Sunday, December 20, 2009

A Special Week Wtih My Favorite People~

The Birthday Party for Lillian and my little man at Hide-A-Way!!
We appeared to have taken over the back 2/3 of the place!

My Little Man ~ The Birthday Boy!!
I can hardly believe you are 4!!!!
I know it's been a tough year...but always know how much mommy
loves, LOVES, loves, YOU!!!

Let's see....long story...short...
The candles were lit twice....we missed the photo op the first round due to
VERY excited wishing!
Me and the girls!!!

Oh Noel...how my heart was changed the first moment I got to hold you!! I can't believe how precious you are!!! You mean the world to me and I can't wait to have fun!!! I love you precious baby girl!!!

My 4 Precious Nieces!!!!
My Brother ~ Dave (acting...well, like Dave!!! lol) and His PRECIOUS Wife Darcy!!

Their love is an inspiration!!!

Aunt Darcy Reading to The Girls!

Ah!! My Little Tom Boy~!!

My "Big Brother" Dave ~ Noel ~ & Aunt Kristi

We all loaded up for a trip to see Great, Great Aunt Marie ~Nana Joyce (my mother) baked cookies, the girls decorated, we went and sang. Marie has Alzheimer ~ It was like we never even met....
Pure CHAOS!!! All 7 had a ball together!!! (missing those not with us all the while ~ but rejoicing that they are all in Heaven playing together....my 4 and precious Major!)
Dave and Noel

Darcy is my role model and mentor...she is a precious gift in my life and I'm forever thankful for the blessing and continual gift she is to me!!!
Aunt Kristi & Marin!
Ah!!! The excitement of a little one ~ my girls were amazed by Noel!!
ABC Family had a ton of Christmas Classics on.... they all watched in wonder ~ we parents got to breathe!! :0)
Marin, Noel, and my Giggles!!

Saturday, December 19, 2009

I Loved You Then

Pain touches everyone
Heartache falls on every heart
And all of us go through the storm
It doesn't matter who you are
And you're up against the wind
And you feel you've just lost your way
Listen to me say...

I loved you then, I love you now
I will love you tomorrow
When this world breaks you down
I will give you strength to stand
Look to me, take my hand and just believe
Before this day ever began, I loved you then

Time changes everything
Moments fly by like the wind
You can try to hold on so tight
But you'll never get time back again
You feel stuck with your mistakes
Can't turn anything around
And it seems there's no way out

I loved you then, I love you now
I will love you tomorrow
When this world breaks you down
I will give you strength to stand
Look to me, take my hand and just believe
Before this day ever began, I loved you then

I won't let you go, not even for a minute
So don't lose hope
Pain touches everyone
Heartache falls on every heart

I loved you then, I love you now
I will love you tomorrow
When this world breaks you down
I will give you strength to stand
Look to me, take my hand and just believe
Before this day ever began, Before this day ever began,
I loved you then, I loved you then

If They Only Knew

If they only knew, would they act differently? Would their love extend and would they welcome with open arms the very one they cast out of their lives?

The Christmas Shoes

it was almost christmas time, there
i stood in another line
tryin' to buy that last gift or two,
not really in the christmas mood
standing right in front of me was a
little boy waiting anxiously
pacing ‘round like little boys do
and in his hands he held a pair of shoes
his clothes were worn and old, he was
dirty from head to toe
and when it came his time to pay
i couldn't believe what i heard him say

sir, i want to buy these shoes for my mama, please
it's christmas eve and these shoes are just her size
could you hurry, sir, daddy says there's not much time
you see mom's been sick for quite a while
and i know these shoes would make her smile
and i want her to look beautiful if mama meets jesus tonight

he counted pennies for what seemed like years
then the cashier said, son, there's not enough here
he searched his pockets frantically
then he turned and he looked at me
he said mama made christmas good at our house
though most years she just did without
tell me sir what am i going to do,
somehow i've got to buy her these christmas shoes

So I laid the money down, I just had to help him out
I'll never forget the look on his face when he said
Mama's gonna look so great


i knew i'd caught a glimpse of heaven's love
as he thanked me and ran out
i knew that god had sent that little boy
to remind me just what christmas is all about


Friday, December 18, 2009

Prayer for Lindsey & Link to Her Blog

Clicking on the above picture will introduce you to Lindsey. Her sister, Ashley Poston Nelson, was our pediatrician's nurse in Tyler and a truly sweet woman of God. Lindsey's cancer has come back and I truly feel the urge and direction from God to share this with you and ask you to pray for her and her sweet family.

I still don't know why things like this happen, but I do know (more and more every day) about the God that I love and serve. He will never leave us or fore sake us~He is with us always~til the very end of our days. Her faith has encouraged me to strengthen my own faith regarding issues in my life.

In the quiet of days recently, I began to wonder where God was. If I am pursing Him and seeking His will, why aren't things changing for the better? But, I came to realize as I looked over the past few years, that there are a number of seasons in life where I have not obtained an answer from Him as to His reasoning's for allowing such things to happen. Most of those difficult seasons have passed and gone ~ but HE still remains. Ever loving ~ Ever compassionate ~ and NEVER abandoning.

"We are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed; we are perplexed, but NOT in despair." 2 Corinthians 4:8

NOT in despair. His word promises us the He will be with us and we will not be crushed. I know the weight of this world can seem so heavy at times that it's hard to lift a foot or take a breath, but it's at that moment He is beckoning to us to come to Him for shelter and refuge from the storms of life here on earth. One day, there will come a day where there will be no more pain or suffering ~ no more tears ~ Knowing God as our personal Savior, He PROMISES us that! It's a gift that is ours for the taking ~ reach out and hold on. If I can, YOU can. We can walk through the valley's together and rejoice in numbers on the mountain tops! One day, sorrow and suffering will never touch us again ~ and for me, that is hope.

"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He WILL wipe away EVERY tear from their eyes. There will be NO more death or mourning or CRYING IN PAIN, for the old order of things has passed away'"
Revelation 21:3-4

God promises us that in Christ, we have hope. HOPE today ~ May those who stumble upon this blog know You Lord. May Your Hand touch their lives ~those in the midst of a difficult journey and those supporting them. May they feel the hope that comes with a peace that surpasses all understanding. May they come to You openly with their tears, with their pain ~ and in You, I pray God, they will find Your perfect will being written in the fabric of their lives. God bless each and every person as we all join to celebrate Jesus' birthday. Thank You for the gift of Your Son!!
In His Grip~

Monday, December 14, 2009

Pictures from Kristi

Click here to view these pictures larger

Save A Place For Me

Don't be mad if I cry
It just hurts so bad sometimes
'Cause everyday it's sinking in
And I have to say goodbye all over again
You know I bet it feels good to have the weight of this world off your
shoulders now
I'm dreaming of the day when I'm finally there with you

Save a place for me
Save a place for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon
Save a place for me
Save some grace for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon

I have asked the question
But I guess the answer's for another time
So instead I'll pray with
every tear
And be thankful for the time I had you here

Save a place for me
Save a place for me
I'll be
there soon
I'll be there soon
Save a place for me
Save some grace
for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon

And I wanna live my life just like you did
Make the most
of my time just like you did
And I wanna make my home up in the sky
like you did
Oh, but until I get there
Until I get there

Save a place for me
Save a place for me
I'll be there
I'll be there soon
Save a place for me
Save some grace for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Considering A Change

Dearest Family & Friends~

Recently, we have discovered that my little man, our 3 year old, has Sensory Processing Disorder.

This has required me to change my thinking on a few things. Possibly shifting the focus of this blog, or creating another one all together, to share our journey through this.

There are a lot of kids who are diagnosed with ADHD when in reality it is Sensory Processing Disorder.

Here are a few definitions that I found on various websites, including some symptoms, that will help those of you who do not know about this, to understand it, and maybe accept children with this disorder with a little more understanding that, they aren't really acting out, they are missing a "link" that helps them process the activities in their environment in a healthy way.


Sensory integration is a normal, neurological, developmental process which begins in the womb and continues throughout one’s life. Although, it is important to note, the most influential developmental time is in the first seven years of life. Sensory processing is the process by which our brain takes in sensory input and interprets this information for use. ( http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-integration-dysfunction-symptoms.html )

There are three things that MUST be clear to you and I want to make sure you understand them...

First, a Sensory Integration Disorder is a neurological disorder; not a spoiled child, a product of bad parenting, ADD, ADHD, defiant child or a mental illness! Although, it is important to note, any of these could co-exist with a sensory processing disorder.

Second, we are talking about reactions to specific sensory input. It is about how this input is taken in, organized, and utilized to interpret one's environment and make the body ready to learn, move, regulate energy levels and emotions, interact, and develop properly.

And third, when sensory integration dysfunction symptoms appear, the must be taken seriously as early as possible and treated properly by a knowledgeable professional!
( http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-integration-dysfunction-symptoms2.html )

As a mom, I was baffled at some of his actions. His aggressive behavior at school. The way he would cover his ears at the sound of loud noises or the anticipation of them. His lack of looking at you in the eyes upon repetitive asking him to when trying to communicate with him.

Glances we'd get from family, friends, and strangers at the store really made me question what I was doing wrong. I couldn't figure out where my loving little boy had gone...the one who loved all people and treated them with such an unconditional love.

I've realized, he hasn't gone anywhere. As he gets older, he is learning more about communicating his emotions, and since he has difficulty processing those emotions, he can't "correctly" share them and they come out in behavior that others deem "unacceptable".

Please pray for him, that God will work in his precious mind, body, and spirit. Please pray for wisdom for myself, that God would lead me to the right professionals to seek help and to the most accurate literature and support groups.

Our family is still separated. This doesn't help him at all. At Grandma Gayle's he is in one environment. Here at Melissa's, it's different. I don't have a cash flow in which to buy him everything he sees or wants. We need to be out of Melissa's by the 1st of the month ~ I don't know where we will go. So, please pray for that as well.

STRUCTURE, consistency, and routine are vitally important to a child with SPD (or you might see it called Sensory Integration Disorder ~ SID). I long, as a mother with unconditional love, to offer this to my children. They are everything to me and my love knows no ends for them!

In His Grip~

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Eternity—Reclaiming A Passion For What Endures (Book) - Help For My Life

Eternity—Reclaiming A Passion For What Endures (Book) - Help For My Life

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Tears of Repentance

When you sorrow over sin in your life, remember that God has provided a method of restoration. “If we confess our sins,” He will “forgive us” and “cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). — Cindy Hess Kasper

We’re thankful, Lord, that when we fall
We can begin anew
If humbly we confess our sin,
Then turn and follow You. —Sper

The way back to God begins with a broken heart

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

"He won't brush aside...."

"He won't brush aside the bruised and the hurt and He won't disregard the small and insignificant, but He'll steadily and firmly set things right. He won't tire out and quit. he won't be stopped until He finished His work ~ to set things right on earth"
Isaiah 42:3-4

Silently I pray.


Numerous times a day.

Some days all I can do is pray. For life right now is difficult, as many of you know. But running across this Scripture today was a special gift from God that spoke directly to my heart...."He WON'T brush aside the bruised and the hurt and He WON'T disregard the small and insignificant...." That was all I needed to know for this moment ~ for this day.

He won't leave me or forsake me.

Thank You Lord that You are always there, even when I don't "feel" it. Scripture like this make me aware that You are closer to me than what my earthly mind can comprehend....Thank You!