Two years ago today, my life was forever changed in the most amazing way. Your birth and pregnancy not only tested my body's limits but deepened my faith in God and truly brought me to realize that I had been living my life relying too much on my own strength.
August 18th of 2007....it was late in the evening and I started to realize (for the approximately 50th time) that something was wrong. But, this time it was something different. It wasn't anything like the kidney stones, pulmonary edema, or cardiomyopthay. It wasn't really contractions either. I just felt that it was important that I get to the hospital quickly. I finally managed to tell Daren. I got in my car and drove myself to the hospital where I had become a "frequent flyer" during this pregnancy. Shortly after midnight they started running tests to figure out just exactly what was going on. Early on the morning of the 19th, we realized it was not only my 35th birthday ~ but that you two had decided that, 9 weeks early, you would be the best birthday gift I could ever hope for! :0)
So, they loaded me up in the ambulance and took me lights and sirens to Plano, Texas just outside of Dallas. Tyler, where we lived at the time, did not have a level III NICU and the closest one was 2 hours away. (about 60 minutes when your screaming down the interstate that your babies are coming and the ambulance drivers are begging you that they'll drive faster if you just promise not to have them on the way there....I did my best and made it.)






I didn't get to hold either of you but for 30 minutes at a time every four hours. They called it "touch time". The rest of the time, I sat in a chair and watched you all day, every day, until the nurses made me leave to get some rest.


They had given us "cuddle dolls"...small doll shaped pieces of fabric that we were supposed to wear between our clothing and chest. Then, you slept on them and this was supposed to make you feel secure and safe. And ya know what? When you had the cuddle dolls, your heart rates stabilized as did your pulse ox. I would have done anything to help you....anything!!
At 13 days into this journey, Megan became very sick. I had left to pick Daddy up from DFW airport and was only gone about 90 minutes. When we walked back into the NICU, there was a bunch of stuff going on in your wing and we wondered what it was. As we started to walk in, we were met with one of the physicians. They told us that you had become very ill and the next 12-24 hours could be your last. "Necrotizing Entercolitis" is what they told us you had (or NEC) and that is an intestinal infection that can perforate your intestines. They took you out of bed with your sissy and stopped all feedings, put you on IV anti-biotics, and there we sat. Crying, feeling defenseless. Your daddy and I would have traded places with you in a second. It didn't seem fair that you would suffer. You had never done anything. You never cried, except when they put the IV in....I think I cried just as hard as you did. We couldn't hold you. We weren't supposed to even touch you. How was that supposed to be possible?? The 12 hour mark came and you were still stabilized. The 24 hour mark came and still, you were with us. 24 hours turned into 48 and 48 into 72... for 7 days we watched with hopeful anticipation and deepening dependence in God that you were in His hands. Never has my faith been tested to this level. I wish my relationship with God had been on a more intimate level before this happened because the well of strength to draw from would have been deeper. BUT, God did use this opportunity to draw us ever closer to His heart and there isn't a person on this earth that could ever convince me that miracles still don't happen.
Ashley held her own by herself in the "big crib".... though she much preferred you to curl up with. They kind of gave us the 30 minutes we were supposed to get to hold Megan so that we could hold you twice as long. That helped soooooo much!!





They had given us "cuddle dolls"...small doll shaped pieces of fabric that we were supposed to wear between our clothing and chest. Then, you slept on them and this was supposed to make you feel secure and safe. And ya know what? When you had the cuddle dolls, your heart rates stabilized as did your pulse ox. I would have done anything to help you....anything!!





From that point on....there were still small steps backwards, but progress forward far outweighed those steps. And before we knew it, you were home. We were all home together and the next phase of our journey as a family of 5 began. It was a long 8 weeks with you in the NICU. It was a long 8 weeks to be away from your big brother. But, that was behind us and forward we did march! There were tough days and there were tougher days. But God's grace and mercy sustained us.
For a short time, you shared a bed...but soon, we realized that THAT would not last long. Ashely, you did not leave Megan alone. :0) Such a sign of the way you were while I carried you in the pregnancy and the way you are today.
Kory FINALLY agreed to touch you and look at you. It took some "constructive direction" but it did happen over time. He kept saying "No!! Take them back!" (More about that story at another time....)


So, through all these words, what I am trying to say is.... I love you! I loved you from the second I knew you! You brought me closer to God in ways I am so thankful for!! I could not think of a birthday gift more incredible than to share it with you! I look forward to the time we have together...You are such miracles!! True miracles. Thank you for the blessing you are in my life!! Happy Birthday girls!! Mommy loves you!






So, through all these words, what I am trying to say is.... I love you! I loved you from the second I knew you! You brought me closer to God in ways I am so thankful for!! I could not think of a birthday gift more incredible than to share it with you! I look forward to the time we have together...You are such miracles!! True miracles. Thank you for the blessing you are in my life!! Happy Birthday girls!! Mommy loves you!




Keep smiling!! You've brought joy to so many!!!


And always remember that you're not only beautiful on the outside... but your hearts are beautiful too!
Again, I love you!!!
Hugs and kisses!!!
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