~ Homesick ~

There are days where the struggles still get the best of me and I become weak in my walk, in my faith, that anything good could ever come out of something so tragic that crosses the path of life and takes it away too soon. Too soon by our terms, but certainly according to the Word of God, in His perfect time. "Perfect time"... how can something that's supposed to be so perfect hurt so much...cause the heart to bleed pain and suffering? And if it is so perfect, why doesn't the gut wrenching pain and "wind knocked out of ya" feeling go away or at least fade... Can't that be a trade off for those left to feel the depths of loss?

I still, 10 months later, have more questions than ever been given answers. I don't know any more "why's" or "because" than I did, nor do I see this knowledge being revealed. I still don't know how to do this, how to grieve, in a way that honor's God. As this song says, and the one true fact that we have to hold on to (and sometimes just having something to hold on to is enough to put one foot in front of the other....)is that "In Christ there are no goodbye's; In Christ there is no end" So we are supposed to find a way to hold on to Jesus with all that we have until we see Major again, and live moment by moment....but I think it's alright with God that we live a little homesick for Him...for Heaven...for a life unknownst to pain...

Help me Lord, cause I don't understand Your ways,
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know....
but even if You showed me, the hurt would be the same
because I'm still here, so far away from home...

I close my eyes, and I see your face
if homes where my heart is, then I'm outta place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ there are NO goodbyes,
In Christ there is NO end,
So I'll hold on to Jesus with all that I have
to see you again, to see you again....

AND I CLOSE MY EYES AND I SEE YOUR FACE
IF HOME'S WHERE MY HEART IS THAN I'M OUTTA PLACE
LORD WON'T YOU GIVE ME STRENGTH TO MAKE IT THROUGH SOMEHOW
WON'T YOU GIVE ME STRENGTH TO MAKE IT THROUGH SOMEHOW
WON'T YOU GIVE ME STRENGTH TO MAKE IT THROUGH SOMEHOW
I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE HOMESICK THAN NOW....